Why do we try so hard…to be good?

Psychology Today says: “Trying too hard usually stems from a childhood where your efforts were either not rewarded or were not regarded as ever good enough, where you perceived yourself to be undervalued or unappreciated.”

So according to the above quote, I know a lot of people who were not rewarded for their efforts when they were young – including myself. Everywhere we look we see spiritual this, spiritual that, how to improve your life, how to get rid of bad habits, how to have a better life. Some people think it is finding God, others think matching kitchen appliances do it. Look around you, everyone tries so hard, so much, so often. I just wrote a book about it – developing faith in order to see God work in your life…what for? So, (drumroll please) you’ll have a better life! It would really be a kick in my pants if I am over the book before it even gets published, huh? (I think that is one of my themes – as a conscious artist of life, I am often over something right at its peak – like business cards – I have learned to order the smallest amount possible because as much as I HAD to have them loved them thought they were marvelous; within a few months I want new ones. Really, I must have had over 100 different cards. We really do get over things.)

In our human hood of personal attachment we latch on to that which is fleeting. Temporary. And unfortunately, the ego not only latches, but build altars to the finite as well. It is one thing to humbly enjoy ‘things’, and another to raise them above love.

Dang, everyone is trying to prove something, to themselves and others. I have met a few pure souls, my husband for one. He never tries to prove a damn thing to anyone, not to me, not even to himself. No doubt why I fell in love with him. What happens for me is every time I have what I call an epiphany – like, oh, yeah…I get it! I see Gods hand in it. And for me, it is usually after I have made a public display of myself, which means my beliefs. – Oh, man….. then – oh, yeah, that thing Deborah – ah, nope, no more.

People try hard to prove themselves, to get ahead in their field, to become ‘an expert’. People work hard at meditating, being seen as spiritual, looking successful. People work so hard for things. And more things. Perhaps insecurity breeds hard work; at anything.

I can feel when I am trying hard; finally. Years ago I was just a bulldozer ready to plow over anyone in my path. Then I became aware and felt the requirement to share any way I could, because I felt I knew something worth sharing. Now, my hope is I share because I love the act of sharing and if no one hearts, likes or follows me; I still thrive. That is one of the greatest gifts of aging – we know we don’t know everything, we know that what works for me may not work for you, we know no one owns the rights on wisdom, we know we can ONLY do what we can and the rest is up to you.

Perhaps what we refer to as Mastery is simply living your life the best way you want to, with no matter to anyone else. They can too. Purely unattached. Not trying to make any impression or hear yourself be a talking head. Your mantra becomes….“Okay, if you think so.”

What is not fleeting? My faith in God, not fleeting. My relationship with Jesus; not fleeting. My love for my husband. My love for my son. For me, when your foundation is faith in God, (Divine Intelligence, The Universal Presence, Creator, etc.) anything that is temporary becomes unimportant. (Even matching appliances.) We stop trying so hard.

with great love, Deborah

www.deborahevanshogan.org

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