As I sit in my daily devotion to Spirit and allow my mystic-self to fully emerge through me, each morning I am gifted words, ideas, writings, directives. Actually quite astounding when I think about it; I count on it. I depend on it. I have come to know, that God never fails. These sacred ramblings are not asked for, nor come from a need or inquiry; they happen. In the early-dark-morning-middle-of-the-night-silence of our home, when I sit with warm tea in what I call, ‘my high vibe room’; my heart rests, and gifts arrive. Yes, much like a child like Christmas morning.
The past two days have been laden with fragmented energies. For me; an open, sensitive, psychic, empathic healer – to say it has been heavy is an understatement. It use to be, when I was simply aware and could ‘observe’, that flower essences could help me, but now, only rest, quiet and self care do. My guess is, it looks like I have been run over by an ethereal truck. I am DEEPLY fortunate that my husband is no longer concerned by these days, knowing I am okay and I always get through. Yesterday included lots of tears, unstoppable for the first few hours. Undirected tears, not about a specific subject, not due to any mind subject; just tears. In my time of devotion yesterday morning I was given what I call a healing mantra; ‘I don’t care.’ Often I am given a phrase to repeat, either aloud or in my head, in order to help me shift. I find them extremely successful. This one, ‘I don’t care.’ When I applied it, the unexpected tears were given a doorway.
Upon first hearing these words, ‘I don’t care”, within the first minute my wheels spun. I thought how awful of me to NOT care! I have been a caretaker my entire life. As a child of parental alcoholism, I was well groomed for the role. In fact, I would say I earned a PhD. Then, I felt a sense of relief. Then, a part of me felt like I was being a terrible person, even ‘bad’. Then, I had the realization; these words, this healing mantra offers; ‘radical un-clinging’. Then, I wrote this – from my journal:
” I don’t care. I don’t care about your opinion or how you feel about anything I present. I only know & care how I feel. Incredible freedom. If I do not care anymore, I am free.”
Whenever we begin a new something in our life, we are all in. It can feel like an all or nothing choice. When one finds their voice, they use it even when inappropriate – until there becomes a smoothing out of energy, and a balance comes into being where discernment is also applied. I knew it was radical, but I also knew this new energy would smooth its way through my mind, body & spirit, touching all the places needed and support me into a new level of existence. In this knowing, I do not run away from these healing mantras, but embrace them. I Trust.
(Some of the places this healing mantra touched were attachments to how I may be seen or judged, or expectations I place on myself, or old, old teeny seeds of people pleasing, or even some silly beliefs I was holding against myself on how I look and dress. Now when I say it in my mind I feel empowered to be me!)
My energy lightened by early evening. I was feeling relief.
This morning when I sat in my time of devotion, this came through on paper:
“Caring – Loving – Love. Different. Caring feels to me like it contains attachment, where loving does not. Now, to ‘love’ another, that CAN hold attachment, if it is enabling, or with conditions or holds expectations.“
YES! Caring is a totally different energy than loving – and we are taught they are the same. REREAD. The energy of the word ‘caring’ holds ‘draining oneself’. The energy of the word ‘loving’ holds an open feeling, an unattached, non conditional, ‘I will be loving’. One can be a loving person, without a person to individually ‘love’.
Such a goal – to be loving AND to not care!!! OMG! Feels so powerful!
I went on to journal of how ‘IT always comes to me’. Meaning God’s voice, Spirit’s directives, an inner solution, Divine findings. God’s wisdom of loving what is always, even if eventually, always comes through. This can happen for you also. Devotion to Spirit. Make the time. Nothing more worth it. I promise.
I am so, so, so, grateful I have learned to listen and be and trust and wait.
Thank you for joining me here.