Moving Parts

For those who dislike change, consciously or subconsciously, life naturally presents resistance. Not very comfortable.

Personally, I love change. Always have. I have easily lived in many places, many different homes, had different jobs, careers, interests. I do many things, wear many hats. Even as a minister, I am outside the box of anything conformed or ‘in one place’. Yet, as I ‘elder’, (my new verb) I see how change is not always a breeze for me, as it once was. I catch myself, feeling the resistance that lives beneath my surface saying…”no…not that… like this…..this is the way I have always done it….” In that moment the resistance is loud. I do catch it, I talk with it, I question myself. It leaves or I choose the decision for it to stay as I wish, but it is dooly noted.

(The change that bothers me the most is when I LOVE a television show and they go and CHANGE it. Dang. It was SO good the first season…why did you do that?)

In this space of observing my resistance I note how life IS change. I see how all parts are moving, all the time. How the old saying nothing stays the same is innately true. Everything IS life itself in form, and it is always adjusting, contracting, growing, expanding, fitting, becoming. Yes, I do feel Life and God are one of the same. This is a brand new ah-ha for me! (See….change!)

Change is something new, different, not as it once was. Everything is life, and life is affected constantly through ITSELF. EVERYTHING IS A MOVING PART MADE UP OF MOVING PARTS! This year I have not been able to keep up with myself. It has been that, as soon as I make one choice, or move one thing in our home, or make one decision about my ministry; within a week or so it is challenged with a new inner guidance request! Keep up Deborah, keep up!

I feel what was is not wrong. This is important.

Important #1. We do not change because something was bad, or wrong or not good. A catalyst, but not the reason we change. We change and choose because the energies have shifted within ourselves. We may try (and we do) to blame it on another person or a poor choice last week, year or even lifetime! BUT, the way it works is that a change in our energy has taken place which means WE have changed and now we see it this way, not that.

Important #2 – Is to NOT make what WAS wrong.

Years and years ago I moved rooms around in our home and when my brother came over he asked; “why didn’t you get it right the first time?”

It is not easy for a black and white person to see choice or understand an artist eye to evolve. Although I got his question and wondered myself, the prior design was simply as I saw it, now I see it this way. Not a right or wrong, but energy it self that is evolving and causing me to evolve.

I had to go there so I could get here.

Our cells are consistently shedding and changing. This is nature. Nature itself shows us the beauty of change. We ourselves, being Life Itself, are changed each moment, by colors, conversations, words, what we look at, think about, see.

If you are uncomfortable with change, you may want to get friendly with it. Life is much more enjoyable that way.

Thank you for joining me here – I must go catch up with myself!

Deborah

www.deborahevanshogan.org

Inside My Bubble

Image may contain: ocean, sky, cloud, outdoor, water and nature

To me, this photo is exquisite. I took this from our hotel window this past weekend in Maine. Let me share with you how I see it. The sun looks like a cross. I see a trail of Light coming down into it, and then downward, then into the ocean….as it hits the land it turns into facets of gold, look at that, like gold crystals into our room. (enlarge it to see the crystals!) And the incredible orb to the right as the Light hits the land…and an orb, a perfect solid round orb INSIDE an oval energy field. I think this photo is extraordinary. A gift from the Universe, all is well, Christ Consciousness is present.

I introduce this writing with the above recent post from my ministry Fb page because I feel it explains much about me……how I see things. And how I see something is usually very different than the ‘norm’. For me, this is not just a sunrise or a pretty photo of the ocean. It is a gift. It is a reminder of the Divine magic there is here for us…of the beauty, of the love.

At a high school reunion several years ago a classmate shared that she thought I had always been in a bubble. I could not agree more. (Although in truth, this bubble is really our energy field, a grid made up of 144 points of light in which WE are, all our beliefs – and for now, it is, the bubble!)

As I age I realize that I have always been there, always aware of, this bubble, in this cocoon. Always hopeful, faithful and at peace. I have formed few long term relationships. I realize many may feel this is not right, even unhealthy. This does not mean I am not helpful, nor connected with loved ones, but it does mean there is no holding on. Unconditional love & faith offers freedom to choose, not chains that bind. Many people formed lifetime friendships in high school, not me. I recently learned how many deep and abiding friendships were formed at the summer camp I went to; not me. Women on the camp Facebook page are deeply attached to the camp and their years there and the love and memories they have; not me. They are still connected. There is definitely a part of me that can feel a bit of envy for their fondness of their memories, but then I see – I have good memories, I loved the swimming, the pine trees, the all of it too……but in a much ‘lighter’ way. I guess, I know that joy can be felt anywhere, not just at that moment in time. There is so much beauty in the universe, so much love and joy for us to experience, it is never found ONLY in one place.

I have always been on the outside of any circle. I am always at the deep end of the pool. Once a shaman friend and I had a conversation about how in our community I was welcomed everywhere, but belonged no where. This could be explained as only child syndrome, born an independent Aries, and other linear explanations; but I would disagree. I believe it is not only possible, but is the potential of us each to live in each moment fully engaged AND not attached.

My life has not been ‘all roses’ as the saying goes – yet for much known and unknown, I never attached to the lack road. Yes, I grew up in alcoholic family, (with many other dysfunctions), had a challenging first marriage and divorce and lost jobs. I always knew I could walk through it all, that there was another way. Yes, I have enjoyed therapy along the way and have immense faith in talking things out, being witnessed and seeking support whenever we feel the desire. And I do believe that mostly; I just let it go and kept moving.

So many of our earthly relationships are conjoined through lack, through what our trauma may be, our addictions are, what brings us pain, through our sufferings; rather than our joys. Many get stuck in a story and have challenges finding their way through.

Perhaps our bubbles our made up of what ‘activates’ us. When I began my ministerial, metaphysical and Universal law studies; all fell into place for me. I could finally see what my ground was made up of, what I stood upon. I see too often that what activates many is what they lack or what angers them or what they feel is wrong or missing; rather than what brings them joy, elevates them, fills them with love.

Yes, I have friends, but no need to be in constant contact. I know they are well. I can love them from afar. When the request arises, we are there for one another.

I have no desire to conversationally and emotionally repeat (and repeat & repeat) old stories, for then I could not be in the present moment. I have no desire to discuss what does not work for that keeps it not working. This definitely limits social interaction. Thank God I am a counselor and healer, or I may never see anyone! (That is an exaggeration; I am married, have a few friends and family.) One of my closest friends has another very close friend she lives near and sees most everyday. They talk several time’s a day. We laugh about it because she realizes I have no concept of that at all; what in the world is there to talk about that much?!

Yesterday morning in my mystic-self time of devotion, the bubble image came to me, this palpable knowing I most certainly live in a bubble, one that I love. I then asked Spirit about it, about the ‘health’ of it. Then I tuned into an Abraham-Hicks video and got my answer! (Love that!) A-H spoke of ‘be in a bubble’.

In my bubble is being present and faithful to the max. In my bubble is what some may call magic, multiple dimensions, simplicity, unconditional love. In my bubble is devotion, God Consciousness, listening, hearing, joy of living, gratitude, thankfulness, security, art, creativity, choice, books, freedom, abundance, eternalness, kindness, beauty, order, knowing, openness, laughter, light, coziness, sharing. Just as important is what is NOT in my bubble; fear, dependency, blame or victimhood. I know that when an ‘off’ day or moment happens, that this too shall pass. I am able to let it be without judgement. I love my bubble. I love being in it, living in it, sharing it, acknowledging it. Definitely a form of monastic living; yet not in a cave, or mountain top or retreat center.

What is in your bubble? Are you happy there? Does it make you feel secure? Are your perceptions you live through from conditioning or choice? Right now, I am going to go make tea, sit by the fire and journal all about my bubble! What is in there? What can I welcome into it? What do I want to let go of, to let in, to seek? You can do the same.

What’s in your bubble?

Thank you for joining me here.

with great love, RevDeb

www.deborahevanshogan.org

Radical UnClinging

As I sit in my daily devotion to Spirit and allow my mystic-self to fully emerge through me, each morning I am gifted words, ideas, writings, directives. Actually quite astounding when I think about it; I count on it. I depend on it. I have come to know, that God never fails. These sacred ramblings are not asked for, nor come from a need or inquiry; they happen. In the early-dark-morning-middle-of-the-night-silence of our home, when I sit with warm tea in what I call, ‘my high vibe room’; my heart rests, and gifts arrive. Yes, much like a child like Christmas morning.

The past two days have been laden with fragmented energies. For me; an open, sensitive, psychic, empathic healer – to say it has been heavy is an understatement. It use to be, when I was simply aware and could ‘observe’, that flower essences could help me, but now, only rest, quiet and self care do. My guess is, it looks like I have been run over by an ethereal truck. I am DEEPLY fortunate that my husband is no longer concerned by these days, knowing I am okay and I always get through. Yesterday included lots of tears, unstoppable for the first few hours. Undirected tears, not about a specific subject, not due to any mind subject; just tears. In my time of devotion yesterday morning I was given what I call a healing mantra; ‘I don’t care.’ Often I am given a phrase to repeat, either aloud or in my head, in order to help me shift. I find them extremely successful. This one, ‘I don’t care.’ When I applied it, the unexpected tears were given a doorway.

Upon first hearing these words, ‘I don’t care”, within the first minute my wheels spun. I thought how awful of me to NOT care! I have been a caretaker my entire life. As a child of parental alcoholism, I was well groomed for the role. In fact, I would say I earned a PhD. Then, I felt a sense of relief. Then, a part of me felt like I was being a terrible person, even ‘bad’. Then, I had the realization; these words, this healing mantra offers; ‘radical un-clinging’. Then, I wrote this – from my journal:

” I don’t care. I don’t care about your opinion or how you feel about anything I present. I only know & care how I feel. Incredible freedom. If I do not care anymore, I am free.”

Whenever we begin a new something in our life, we are all in. It can feel like an all or nothing choice. When one finds their voice, they use it even when inappropriate – until there becomes a smoothing out of energy, and a balance comes into being where discernment is also applied. I knew it was radical, but I also knew this new energy would smooth its way through my mind, body & spirit, touching all the places needed and support me into a new level of existence. In this knowing, I do not run away from these healing mantras, but embrace them. I Trust.

(Some of the places this healing mantra touched were attachments to how I may be seen or judged, or expectations I place on myself, or old, old teeny seeds of people pleasing, or even some silly beliefs I was holding against myself on how I look and dress. Now when I say it in my mind I feel empowered to be me!)

My energy lightened by early evening. I was feeling relief.

This morning when I sat in my time of devotion, this came through on paper:

“Caring – Loving – Love. Different. Caring feels to me like it contains attachment, where loving does not. Now, to ‘love’ another, that CAN hold attachment, if it is enabling, or with conditions or holds expectations.

YES! Caring is a totally different energy than loving – and we are taught they are the same. REREAD. The energy of the word ‘caring’ holds ‘draining oneself’. The energy of the word ‘loving’ holds an open feeling, an unattached, non conditional, ‘I will be loving’. One can be a loving person, without a person to individually ‘love’.

Such a goal – to be loving AND to not care!!! OMG! Feels so powerful!

I went on to journal of how ‘IT always comes to me’. Meaning God’s voice, Spirit’s directives, an inner solution, Divine findings. God’s wisdom of loving what is always, even if eventually, always comes through. This can happen for you also. Devotion to Spirit. Make the time. Nothing more worth it. I promise.

I am so, so, so, grateful I have learned to listen and be and trust and wait.

Thank you for joining me here.

RevDeb

www.deborahevanshogan.org