Kindness is my theme today. Should be my theme every single day, yet too often, like the rest of us, I let others’ experiences wrap fear around my heart and compassion cannot finds it way through.
Whenever I am in the midst of an unkindness, I feel sick. I am an empath, I do not feel anger, but my cells respond with being sick, as if they were fed something absolute distasteful. I toss and turn and am sleepless no matter my level of exhaustion. I wrestle with a lack of kindness one can show another being. Especially when it is through one who (supposedly) loves me. It is too often that kindness can be shown to a stranger easier than a relative. After I sit with it all, I realize their own wounds are blocking them, and I get it intellectually – but I still hurt, still feel sick, still ache. Somehow it all has to process through my cells, through all my layers, till I reach myself again and can detach from their lashing.
These days in my life, due to years and years of spiritual awakening, personal work, deep diving – experiences like this are rare, and therefore totally unexpected. Yesterday I experienced two of them. Double header! Oh goodie.
I laid awake asking myself, how did I bring these to me? What beliefs are behind them, promoting these actions? I know we can only bring to us what we believe – how did I manage to bring these experiences to me? Everything is a mirror. Two separate people. Two totally separate experiences. Two lashing outs. Both felt extreme. What is my role? How can I shift my perception in order to change this? Or can I?
Detachment. It is not that easy. Detachment means no blame. Where does the fine line of responsibility lay? Can we see responsibility without the bitterness of blame? One episode was on Facebook. In truth I clearly expected it. It was repeat of years gone by and I made a choice to post something anyway, something that I knew (and so it was) was going to be controversial. I take responsibility for this. And I chose to delete the person’s harsh & unkind comment. Done. My page, my choices. Still, harshness goes deep. I will get over it.
I think about how the other day I too had reached my point of impasse with a person due to their actions. I too lashed out. So, so, so rare for me, but I blew up like a hot air balloon. This weeks energies have been palpably pushing us indeed! I don’t blame them. I am solely responsible for my actions, for my words. I hold myself fully accountable for these – and therefore I also hold others. I am not one to glaze over anything. So, the fine line here is; being okay with not being okay with another person words or actions. We do not have to be okay with theirs, but we must be okay with our own.
Can we practice extending kindness to ourselves as well others? Perhaps this is a key. I will be kind to myself and step aside. I will be kind to myself and give myself time to process. I will be kind to myself and detach from the harshness, yet, when an opportunity arises, can still share my thoughts.
Kindness really is a balm for the soul. Just saying the word brings a healing light to our cells. Kindness is generous. Kindness.
Thank you for meeting me here.
with great love,