A few days ago, this quote was a message I placed on my ministerial FB page. Yesterday, my own expectations combined with going against myself came to the surface and bit me! OUCH. Dang. The truth is the truth. Law is law. We get what we expect. God’s perfect timing. Such a joke, I THOUGHT I was sharing this truth for OTHERS. The Universes’ sense of humor. A cosmic 2 x 4.
Perhaps a year or two ago I made a promise to myself to no longer help my husbands family with planning anything, ever again. It is not them. They are a full blown 1950’s american family, bonded through blood, heritage, love, pain and being a large clan with years of Kodak memories. A remarkable experience. Six kids, parents married long time. Uncles, aunts, relatives all part of the mix. Rare. Family vacations. Family reunions, all that great stuff. Me, an independent only child in a family of six; (I came after divorces, deaths, etc.) Due to our upbringings and the people we have become, we do life extremely differently. This is not a ‘bad” or “wrong” thing – it is simply very different. After many years trying to be in these differences, and many conversations, tears & frustrations with my husband about this, one or two years ago I decided to stop trying to help with any planning about anything that involved an ‘us’ atmosphere. This did not mean we did not do things, or go out, or have dinners, joy, fun together – it simply meant, I do not plan like them, they do not plan like me, two languages, ways, perceptions – each happy in their own way of being. We do things extremely differently, the truth is; they clash. Opposite ends of a spectrum. For the sake of my peace of mind and our marriage, I chose to opt out on any holiday combined anything. I let love have its way. It worked really well.
Then, a week or so ago, I was invited in again, said yes, and of course, all that I expected happened. So, whose responsibility is the mayhem? Mine. Even though it does not look that way on the surface – it is mine. I went against myself. I broke a promise with myself. I know how they plan, interconnect, depend on one another. I am a counselor, minister, healer, shaman – I KNOW them, I KNOW me – and STILL…..my human ego was stroked, and I answered yes, come over, I will help. The we of us agreed on things for a large family holiday party, we got it done. (My motto.) I am a planner, have held many large events, a good manager, efficient, direct – we had it done in a day. Then, one of the six felt left out, someone goes to the rescue – and BAZINGA – MY expectations were met!!! Of course they were, I get what I expect. We are ALIGNED with what we expect.
The ego distracts us from Truth.
The thing is, in the moment my ego was stroked (raised its nasty head) and I said yes, I had failed to remember my promise and my expectations. But you know what, God had not. I had planted in the Universe, in my energy field and I ignored it. I had listened to my heart, I had stepped aside, made a decision and choice which was the best for all – and then BAZINGA , I fell into the hole again, stepped right on that human gerbil wheel. Ouch!
If we want anything in our lives to look different we HAVE to align with that different expectation, we have to come to know it as possibility, as Truth. For me, it is too far for me to see them differently, so I opted out. Not mine to do. It is mine to see with clarity. And this worked very well. I like who I am, I like the way I am in this world, I appreciate my way of being – and it is not their way. Seeing them change is, I humbly admit, too far for me to go and none of my business. Not mine to do. We each have to want to change. So I changed what I could; me. Then, in a moment, I failed to remember. That one is on me. Sometimes, stepping aside is a superpower!
We are in human bodies, with egos, minds, and personalities. Let love have its way. Forgive yourself. Each day, begin again.
Shared with love,