Everyday Wilderness

In Mathew 4:1-11 the story of Jesus’ 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness is shared. I once did a Sunday talk on this passage, the idea of the ‘devil’ being any lack or fearful thought we have, and standing on our faith in God the good as the teaching. Personally, I feel we can live this truth each day. Now, the idea and concept of ‘wilderness’ in our modern day life is an undercurrent topic for me.

I have been meeting the wilderness in myself. The dark places not yet uncovered or revealed. For me, this is what solitude does, it allows for self transparency. I have always enjoyed solitude, true solitude – no cars, chatter, people, input, distractions – and when I truly meet myself  in the quiet of a wilderness experience, my deeper self is revealed. Highly uncomfortable and deeply rewarding. 

Think about it, wilderness can be anything to anyone. Not necessarily the unknown land, or forest or jungle, or an untamed area of the earth – BUT also, the unwalked areas of our own lives. The places, emotions, spaces we have never been before, or encountered. ANYTHING that is new to us can be considered wilderness; a newly ventured experience. 

People who are not comfortable speaking with strangers; their fears come up, they rise to the surface, anxiety expresses, heart races, perspiration makes it way on the skin…..hands sweat. This is a place of the unknown. This is their wilderness. 

Think of all the experiences you feel are your wilderness – have you observed other peoples wilderness? 

I am away on retreat right now, my husband and I, ‘getting out of dodge’ as we say. It takes a few days for us to settle in. We have been to this same resort many times, a family home is near by, yet whenever we go away, we quickly feel how we are away from our regular rhythms. I feel discombobulated. We love our home and our lives. We go away to renew, to break the daily rhythms to allow fresh ideas and energies to flow – AND, truth be told, we are not great at it. Three days in, a sense of familiarity finally rises and my heart feels at home. I can write again! Familiarity is a deeply sensed need for many. I guess I am one of them. 

I have friends who travel often, one, her way of life. Until recently she was a gypsy, staying with friends constantly, and we loved it, and she was always so at home, comfortable & at peace…living from her car, being welcomed in others homes.  Recently, another single friend drove from visiting Massachusetts to home in Florida. She stopped many times, meeting new people and enjoying her self immensely! Each FB post she shared, I admired her more and more. I thought about her life as a wilderness trek. She has been through much – more than the average soul. Recently, she endured health issues, which she was AMAZING through, being her own spokesperson and persisting. Now, fully embodying her radiant divine health. I have serious respect for this woman. She lives a very spiritually focused life, has walked through many unknown places, physically and emotionally and is now a radiant canvas of faith for others to bear witness to, and learn. 

As frightening as the wilderness spaces can be for our human mind, there is a definitive something that calls us to know ourselves more, better, deeper – through them. If it is going to a new country, traveling alone, meeting new people, newly divorced, starting a new job, moving, going to yoga class, hearing unexpected news, having your first art show, dating after 35 years of marriage, starting school, learning to walk, beginning to meditate daily – every single one of us has been in the wilderness – a place that is unfamiliar, feels scary to us because it is the unknown. We tell ourselves we do not know how to be here – and when we stop and simply be wherever we are, we find ourselves showing up in ways we never knew we could, or were able to. 

Is this not faith? These quiet, unseen fears – stories we tell ourselves, or lies the ego tells us, so we will not follow our hearts, not listen to our instincts, not live a life of faith in God, in this Divine Cosmos of the Universe? 

Fearless Faith is a gift that can be applied in ANY form of wilderness, no matter what yours is. This is why I praise daily meditation, in order to gain access to our deeper knowing of God support in every facet of our lives. 

Shared with great love,

Deborah

www.amethystlight.org

The Memorial-Funeral Re-Do

I want to to offer a new ceremony/layout for life celebration. These ceremonies are necessary – for the many layers of grief, of living, of joy. For all the parts of ourselves that were connected with our loved one while they were in physical form.

As a minister I have always deeply loved the privilege of supporting celebrations of life when a loved one transitions, when their body dies. But, each church or funeral home service was missing something for me – and they were wonderful, yet still, under my skin, they felt incomplete. As I am aging, I am appreciating even more, the need for intimacy, authenticity and reflection for all when this experience is in our lives – AND the great good which is created through the sharing. I was brought up in a tightly wound WASP household, where this level of vulnerability was not comfortable. Perhaps why I am so ALL about it now!    

This is what I suggest: Wherever it is, ALL are welcomed. The immediate intimates – spouse, children, parents, sit in the middle/center facing out. A larger circle facing towards them/in, is created with guest, relatives, friends, etc. Of course, music, an altar, candle lighting can still be created and a religious or spiritual officiate may guide. 

Each person in the outer circle has a turn to share with the family. To the family.  A story, a moment, something they want them to know about their beloved. This is done in ritual. This is not a party, or calling hours. In the same way any gift is presented, the spouse, children, intimates are showered in the love others have for their beloved.  The connections are shared. The energy, love and history is shared.  Our stories are given life. Friends can see relatives differently – how interesting for family to behold their relative in different Light! AND the effects of this, the ritual of this, rather than in a corner of a hushed funeral parlor room or in the kitchen over coffee, or shared by a minister at the head of the church as one sits properly in a pew………the circle, the infinite, the entire concept of saying goodbye and giving thanks for having known them is heightened. 

I am so excited about guiding this for another! Seeing this come alive in sacred ritual. A wedding barn……….no, a life celebration barn! 

A dear friend recently made her transition out of body – and so many of us who wanted to celebrate her no longer live near. We move, we are scattered. Pockets of us still gathering three weeks post her transition……..phone calls, texts, messages. Even a lovely sweet private gathering with her immediate family – just does not feel like enough for me. I SO want all of us in the same room! 

My barn, my barn, the circle of life eternal in love. Love shared. I can see it now. All ritual in a circle form. Every one of them. Weddings, namings, memorials, funerals…whatever you want to celebrate. Circle form. Inside or outside. Small gathering or large. Always in circle form. 

Thank you. Blessings of love upon you, Deborah

http://www.amethystlight.org

Glitzy Distractions

I am a house luster. I adore home. Basically, I adore space. I love making any space sacred, from a business to a driveway. I love our home. We truly have created a sanctuary. I love real estate, like what is called a ‘hobby’. I enjoy looking at houses, going to open houses……and yesterday I did just that.

The difference in house gazing for me is I can see that I care more about how something feels, than how it looks in what magazines and HGTV say is in. Our home was empty and on the market for a year, when I first walked into this unloved building. A 1930’s vintage one floor house on a hill. (Really a knoll.) The kitchen and bathrooms do need redoing, and ceilings are chipping; yet I fell in love anyway. So – back to yesterdays open house…………..

I wanted to see what a $ 990,000.00 brand new build felt like. It was a truly interesting venture. Keep in mind, just short of a million dollar home. It was built by a man who has been a carpenter, a contractor for others. It was his first solo venture and I was told by the inexperienced realtor who over-zealously greeted me at the door, that; “he put his WHOLE heart into this!”

Now; I say she was inexperienced because it was awkwardly obvious. A lovely woman, a grand opportunity for her; yet a million dollar home could call forth savvy buyers, one would think. She did not come forward to introduce herself or shake hands when I entered the house. I introduced myself. She called the farmers porch ‘a little deck’, she said the home had four bedrooms and I had to correct her; I knew it had five from the listing. When we got upstairs she said, “oh I missed this one!” She did not know the plot lines, could not point out the lot boundaries.  She did not know where the house in the back would be built. She kept gushing about the openness, (yet poorly used space), and flowed her hand over very nice woodwork while gushing.

Here is my rant: Now, the build: The staging was horrible. It is a five bedroom home with what are called two Masters. Five bedrooms means a large family. The open concept was mostly kitchen, very poor proportions, room for only a small four seating GLASS round table (perfect for an active family, right?) – and only one couch on display to watch a TV that was set up so high ones neck would get cramped. BUT! Look at how OPEN it is!!!  Look at all the marble counters! Look at the appliances, she gushed. The dining room had a smallish four seater table staged, (glass again, SO good for an active family) – the dining room might fit a larger more formal table. Where are all these five bedroom occupants eating I wonder? The room/space off the kitchen, (which should have been part of the gathering room for more couches, or the eating area for a long table), was an entrance from the 3 car garage. It was massive, this space, this GORGEOUS indeed space. (Much larger than the front foyer.) Dark oak floors, lovely, flashy, glitzy fixtures, builtin cubbies for TEN children with hooks and all……….but……..the laundry room off this coat area, I lost it. I admit it. I asked the realtor, “how will a washer and dryer fit in here? Come here, please, look at this.” It was obvious. One single washer and dryer could not fit side by side where the outlets were, BUT the SMALL marble counter was very pretty. No where to fold or hang clothes. (Remember, FIVE bedrooms.) The very nice realtor suggested maybe the dryer would go against this wall……oh, then if it is a front loader one cannot open the door? I will bring it to the builders attention she told me. And what I did not say is if this home is filled with three or more children, (five bedrooms!)  many times folks have commercial washer and dryers (Larger than usual) or even two of each for a family of five or more. The laundry room for this 5000 sq foot home was the size of a half bath….with a very pretty little sink. Little being the operative word. (A woman did not design this.)

The first Master she showed me had LOVELY, glitzy everything and ONE SINK. One. Just one sink. It is a MASTER with a small office/reading room too, a HUGE marble bathroom and ONE sink. The HALL bathroom had TWO SINKS. Yes, all the glitzy was top end everything, from moldings to dark oak floors, to windows. The second master did have two sinks in a gorgeous bathroom. And…. perfect soaking tubs, marble floors, large showers…..

The driveway was SO lean, too narrow, had to watch carefully driving my smallish/midsize SUV, anything larger would be questionable. There was no TURN AROUND. (Hear me gasp!!!) The realtors’ one car blocked anyone else from turning around in front of the three bay garage. There was a small one car only place to park mid driveway, which was on a LEDGE. Cautious backing up folks.

And for the icing on the cake, the landscape had just been completed and it smelled like dead fish from the fertilizer. 

So, so, so easy for us all to get caught up in glitzy distractions from the fundamentals of life which give us a reliable foundation.

Is it fair to rant without suggestions? Okay, here is mine: If a man, not an architect with spacial sensibilities, designs and builds a house, please get a women’s input. AND if you build a home with FIVE bedrooms get a women’s input who has four or more children before you begin.

I went to another open house two years ago, the builder was showing it. A really well built home. He let me ramble through on my own. He asked me what I thought. He was sincere and extremely kind & likable. I asked him where the headboard would go in the master?  We went upstairs. The windows, the entrance to a sun filled office off the Master………it did not work. Pretty, but no place for a HEADBOARD! Then, we went to the great room and I asked where does the couch go? He had gorgeous hand built wood built in’s on one wall, an off centered (!) fireplace on another and air vents in the floor, in random places to him, but it all together prevented couch comfort placement. He then asked me to tell him everything I saw that I would change.

The house started at over a million and sold for more than $ 250,000 less more than a year later.

Maybe I should have been a house critic, like a movie critic, but I do not want to prevent sales. I would, however, be happy to make loads of suggestions to any house plan or gut job. When I begin to flip houses, my homes will be very well thought out, have loads of color, a high vibe feel, not any grey, and I will include one or two pieces of furniture which fit the house perfectly. “Homes by Deborah – NO GLITZ, a whole lot of SOUL”

What do you value more, the glitz or the soul?

Thank you! I feel better.

Deborah

 

 

Going Against Ones-Self

Perhaps another way to state the spiritual journey, the journey of awakening, enlightenment, etc…..is: evolving to the point where one never goes against themselves.

Think about that. We have everything we need. Our bodies respond when we eat what is not good for us, our gut and intuition and instincts let us know when we should not do something – AND when we should! Our hearts let us know when we are in the love vibe. Basically, whatever we are aligned with feels good, and what we are not aligned with, does not. An amazing creation when you consider the simplicity, the functioning of our minds, hearts and bodies.

Recently I have been seeking clarity about a specific subject, and in order to know how I am without it, the universe let me be without it for a week – (NOT what I asked for!) – I asked for clarity – oh yeah – what a good way to find it.  …….and the lack of such subject in my life was draining, exhausting, non-purposeful, empty, lonely, yucky. I realized, without it I am not me. That this ‘thing’ I thought I may want to let go of, was, as my friend stated yesterday, my perfect puzzle piece. I fit it, it fit me, and together, there is a whole. Yes, (cannot believe i will say this) – it completes me. (There, I said, it, please forgive me, at least i am not speaking about a person, because I do complete myself.)…….which leads me to……….

To thine own-self be true – and is that enough? Is the flip side of this coin, to know God also? Can we know one without the other? In knowing one do we know the other? Hmmmmmmmm……………………

If we only know our human selves, we have a pretty good chance of being narcissistic, selfish, alone, petty, egotistical, one sided, surface oriented. Without an awareness of a Power Greater than I, we are empty, void of content.

If we only focus on God we have a chance of being self righteous, even bigot-like, and all of the above too.

Knowing only the yin or only the yang does create a one sided-ness to our existence.  Is there wholeness in that? If we KNOW something, but do not apply it, isn’t the knowing empty?

Knowing of God, of my faith, IS my existence – yet, IF I do not live this, do not embody this…..can I know myself? If I ONLY have a faith in a belief of God and never apply this in my personal daily living to knowing; how can I embody it? How will I find the wholeness I seek?

Can we possibly love our selves without having a personal relationship with Spirit? Our ego will try, but the relationship will have no roots. It cannot grow, it will die when you need it the very most.

In believing in God, in all this means to me personally, and I do NOT apply it, I allow my ego to get in the way, I try to control a quest, and do not depend on God, am I being true to myself? You know the answer, right? NO! I am not being true to myself. I am going AGAINST myself in that moment.

We go against ourselves when we doubt our feelings, doubt our talent, doubt our kick ass-ness, when we do not listen to what we know, when we let other peoples opinions have more value than our own, when the red flag is dangling in our faces and hearts and we choose to ignore it. AND when we doubt our gut instinct we go against God, that which created this amazing instrument; our body, us.

A tree without roots does not stand. Neither do we. A row boat without oars, a mind without learning, a heart without love, a house without people, a child without family, an adult without awareness of the Divine – all floundering in a storm without direction, an anchor or their inner compass. 

I love you. Do not go against your self. Know ‘thyself’, all of you.

Deborah

http://www.amethystlight.org

What Do You Know for Sure?

………anything?  A simple question, randomly or deeply answered, it can shake things up. It can shake us up, when we really look. 

I looked inward this morning. This quest to see if I know anything; for sure. For me, this means without doubt. Byron Katie would ask, is it the Truth? Another words, without any doubt can we be absolutely sure of what it is we are stating? 

Recently I have been questioning how I offer my work. I have felt shifts underfoot, pangs of ‘new’ rising up from within….not yet set in stone, but definite movement. This morning I let myself be with (my) most HUGE, deep, painful, conundrum of a question; why do some people heal and others do not? My conundrum being; can I believe, fully & amazingly in God, in the Universe to heal, in my brother, teacher & way-shower Jesus, in my own faith in such – AND also, at the same time believe that we are each 100 % responsible for our individual experiences?  In this mess of a quest; am I responsible for a clients healing or are they? 

I am not yet in absolute alignment with one or the other….yet the operative word. I am in doubt right now. I know, and have known for many years, I am NOT the healer. God is, our own thoughts are, our faith is. So, it is a dance. We need one another to get to the place of knowing our own Truths, our own faith in the power of OTHER. 

Where I am right now is this, I do know one thing for sure; It IS done to us according to our faith. What WE BELIEVE in, where we seek, what we carry in our vibration though our thinking is the life we live. I have NO doubt. I see this Truth come to fruition every single day and with my clients. 

“IF YOU THINK SO.”

If you think so is one of my favorite lines. So amazing how it can cut through fear the moment these words are brought into a conversation.

As a teacher-preacher I NEED to see prayer work. Sometimes I need to change my prayer. Not that your pain goes away, but that you SEE differently SO your pain can be released. Sometimes I can feel my own resistance in looking at YOUR way of thinking, that believing you CAN heal from that view I cannot get to, cannot embody, BUT I CAN prayer to see YOUR views shift and in that I KNOW that healing will take place. And I do not like that. Why does how I see you override my faith in God to HEAL you? I need to ask myself this. I do not want this mind game resistance in my path. I WANT to know God heals you no matter what you think? BUT does this over ride YOUR free will? …and my gerbil monkey mind shallows on…….

I know for sure healing is ALWAYS possible AND I know our minds must be set right for this to take place, for ANY new to take place in our lives.  AND MY OWN mind must be set right too! 

If you do not believe the experience you want is possible for you, how can you receive it in your life?

You may want to sit and ask yourself what you know for sure? What do you believe in? An over-sized contemplation indeed. 

Sending love to you, Deborah

http://www.amethystlight.org