STOP age assuming, please.

Every now and then, no matter how faith filled we are, venting feels good. Not AT anyone, just in sharing. My thing is I have a few pet peeves – a few. (I want the toilet seat LID  put down after you use it.) Many I forgive instantly, then others hang on like a – (i have no idea what to put in here)and require prayer………..they just keep popping up. I know they do, ONLY because they bother me – I am the creator of my experiences and if I did not care so much, they would not thrive. And yet, I care……… I have this one that has been on the surface lately –  let me share. (And thank you!)

I went for a main stream (rare, last one was years ago) physical last month and the first question was: other than ‘the usual’ aches and pains do you have any complaints? So, right off the bat I wanted to have an in depth conversation about term and usage of THE USUAL. Why oh why are you seeing the bodies aches & pains as USUAL?! Why oh why can you NOT see that as we age, there is NO USUAL, yet why do you expect the aches & pains? Why are you starting out this experience in such a negative vibe? If there ARE aches & pains, they are NOT usual and the body CAN come into balance. How dare you expect, just because I am of a certain age and my hair is gloriously white, that I will, of course, because it is ‘usual’, have aches and pains?????  Ye’ of little faith in the perfectly designed human temple.


On the same note, yesterday I did walk in at the hair salon. I liked the new woman and asked if she was free.

Not for an hour, but you can come back then.

Okay, I will. Thank you.

Would you like a card to remember?

REALLY !!!!!!!?????????????????????????? Are you joking? Do I really LOOK like i cannot remember ONE HOUR from now?  

Before I went back I shifted my energy, forgave her ignorance, (she was ONLY trying to be kind !!!!)…. reminded myself I had been told by Spirit to walk in to this salon this morning, to TRUST that…..also I had liked her as I had watched her work on another haircut….and got into a great space – and yes, she gave me a great cut. 


Here are more: DO NOT call me ‘dear’. Not a waitperson, a clerk or anyone. It is condescending, rude and unkind. 


DO NOT ask me if I want the senior discount. I cannot believe stores do this. I KNOW they think they are being kind, thoughtful and giving the people who they ASSUME cannot afford full price a break, but YOU ARE NOT! Can you not simply put a sign up at the end of the aisle, or on your entrance doors; Tuesday, all over 60 receive 10% off, just ask! And let those who wish to receive this discount be the ones who LET YOU KNOW. Empower others, do not pity.  (Because of my white hair I was in my forties the first time I was asked. Poor clerk.)


I can no doubt make you spin with all I get done in a day and how strong I am, so PLEASE STOP ASKING ME HOW HEAVY TO FILL MY GROCERY BAGS!  IF you see someone who you feel may need lighter bags, JUST DO IT. AND all I have is white hair – no cane, no help shopping, I am in your store a few times a week…….alert up people! And for the record I have pretty good skin with not many lines, so stay alert!!!


Once a grocery clerk, very condescendingly, (in one of those sicky sweet tones which also fire me up) asked me if I ‘remembered’ my phone number to enter for my discount. (arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) Really? Do I look to you, that you assume I  have memory loss? If she had added ‘dear’ to the question I may not have held back. 


Here are some ideas for t-shirts:

“If you call me dear I may bite your head off”.

“I’ve had white hair since I was 18, watch your assumptions.”

“Human respect, not condescension.”

“Think before you speak.” (an all around good one!)


And I feel the possibility that as I turn 65 next week, I may begin my next career as stand up comedian; vocally encouraging the strength, courage, resiliency, beauty, awesomeness and privilege of aging. Tickets will include a  t-shirt.

Thank you! (And freely share!) 

Deborah Evans Hogan. Born April 4, 1954.

deb at Bets wedding.jpeg



One thought on “STOP age assuming, please.

  1. Interesting isn’t it 🙂 as I need and am learning to be patient with myself, I find that patience and knowing that others are equally, if not more, are in need to be blessed by our presence and patience. Ones expressions/body language speak loud and clear, Thank you so much for sharing beautiful lady!


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