name change.

Hello – First off, to anyone who reads this blog and according to numbers they give me it is a quite a few- I thank you for joining with me in this journey of life, living, sharing, faith, authenticity & love. There would be no reason to write publicly unless others were reading! Any good here is a collaboration, for sure. You are deeply appreciated. 

I have changed the name of my blog from revdebblog to THOUGHTS. . And the tag line as well – offering guidance, experience & support through our awakening journey.  This is a reflection of all the changes I am experiencing combined with respect to  the fact, we each have different thoughts about one thing – and is that not all we can possibly ever share? I never want to claim to be an expert on anything except myself. But, I do have experience; broad, wide & insightful – and I am a woman of deep faith, so the combination creates me – and I share that, I do hope authentically, passionately & with humor. I am not only a minister – and what is that truly, but one who ministers to others as so many people do –  I am a woman, a wife, a mother, a writer, a painter, an artist,  a creator, a reality maker, a designer of life, a spiritual midwife, a tree lover, a connector, a gardener of flowers & other pretty things, a woman who knows what she likes, knows what she believes in – a human. I do what I love; I get to empower, guide, support, share what I call God’s Grace. This is a tremendous blessing in life, I never, ever take it for granted.  

I believe in bringing ones faith in a power greater than i into our every day living, all of it.  There is no ‘just Sunday’ with me. If we are faithful in love, then we are faithful in love! No matter where we are or what the circumstances. I promise you, I call myself on this every day and expect myself to live it, fully & out loud.  

These changes are about a softening, a means to more inclusion & collaboration, as well as deeper connection.  I love writing & sharing – and according to my clients, it is very helpful – so, for now, I will continue to do so.

New names are power filled. Think about marriage – to take or not to take, perhaps to combine…? The change shifts our vibration. Rev. Deb vs. Deborah vs. Deb vs. Debbie (who left the building decades ago,yet her photo remains. below.)  Revdebblog vs. THOUGHTS. Most people call me Deborah or Deb.  I love my Buddhist given name, Dechen. Maybe one day I WILL morph into holding the vibe of it completely. I hope.  It means the Blissful One. I tried once, but was not there yet. 

Welcome to THOUGHTS.  Offering guidance, experience & support through our awakening journey. 

with much love & appreciation,

Deborah

http://www.amethystlight.org

https://www.facebook.com/revdeb444/

deb at Bets wedding

STOP age assuming, please.

Every now and then, no matter how faith filled we are, venting feels good. Not AT anyone, just in sharing. My thing is I have a few pet peeves – a few. (I want the toilet seat LID  put down after you use it.) Many I forgive instantly, then others hang on like a – (i have no idea what to put in here)and require prayer………..they just keep popping up. I know they do, ONLY because they bother me – I am the creator of my experiences and if I did not care so much, they would not thrive. And yet, I care……… I have this one that has been on the surface lately –  let me share. (And thank you!)

I went for a main stream (rare, last one was years ago) physical last month and the first question was: other than ‘the usual’ aches and pains do you have any complaints? So, right off the bat I wanted to have an in depth conversation about term and usage of THE USUAL. Why oh why are you seeing the bodies aches & pains as USUAL?! Why oh why can you NOT see that as we age, there is NO USUAL, yet why do you expect the aches & pains? Why are you starting out this experience in such a negative vibe? If there ARE aches & pains, they are NOT usual and the body CAN come into balance. How dare you expect, just because I am of a certain age and my hair is gloriously white, that I will, of course, because it is ‘usual’, have aches and pains?????  Ye’ of little faith in the perfectly designed human temple.

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On the same note, yesterday I did walk in at the hair salon. I liked the new woman and asked if she was free.

Not for an hour, but you can come back then.

Okay, I will. Thank you.

Would you like a card to remember?

REALLY !!!!!!!?????????????????????????? Are you joking? Do I really LOOK like i cannot remember ONE HOUR from now?  

Before I went back I shifted my energy, forgave her ignorance, (she was ONLY trying to be kind !!!!)…. reminded myself I had been told by Spirit to walk in to this salon this morning, to TRUST that…..also I had liked her as I had watched her work on another haircut….and got into a great space – and yes, she gave me a great cut. 

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Here are more: DO NOT call me ‘dear’. Not a waitperson, a clerk or anyone. It is condescending, rude and unkind. 

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DO NOT ask me if I want the senior discount. I cannot believe stores do this. I KNOW they think they are being kind, thoughtful and giving the people who they ASSUME cannot afford full price a break, but YOU ARE NOT! Can you not simply put a sign up at the end of the aisle, or on your entrance doors; Tuesday, all over 60 receive 10% off, just ask! And let those who wish to receive this discount be the ones who LET YOU KNOW. Empower others, do not pity.  (Because of my white hair I was in my forties the first time I was asked. Poor clerk.)

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I can no doubt make you spin with all I get done in a day and how strong I am, so PLEASE STOP ASKING ME HOW HEAVY TO FILL MY GROCERY BAGS!  IF you see someone who you feel may need lighter bags, JUST DO IT. AND all I have is white hair – no cane, no help shopping, I am in your store a few times a week…….alert up people! And for the record I have pretty good skin with not many lines, so stay alert!!!

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Once a grocery clerk, very condescendingly, (in one of those sicky sweet tones which also fire me up) asked me if I ‘remembered’ my phone number to enter for my discount. (arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) Really? Do I look to you, that you assume I  have memory loss? If she had added ‘dear’ to the question I may not have held back. 

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Here are some ideas for t-shirts:

“If you call me dear I may bite your head off”.

“I’ve had white hair since I was 18, watch your assumptions.”

“Human respect, not condescension.”

“Think before you speak.” (an all around good one!)

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And I feel the possibility that as I turn 65 next week, I may begin my next career as stand up comedian; vocally encouraging the strength, courage, resiliency, beauty, awesomeness and privilege of aging. Tickets will include a  t-shirt.

Thank you! (And freely share!) 

Deborah Evans Hogan. Born April 4, 1954.

deb at Bets wedding.jpeg

 

 

“Me & God”

Image result for mr rogers quotes   Recently, I have been aware of the possibility of one feeling overwhelmed with all the spiritual teachers, books, words, prayers, ideas and guidance anyone can see in any given day.  (Whew!) Very aware of all the face book messages, people I am friends with, ideas, suggestions, etc. I have been one of those teachers since 1992 – no matter what I chose ‘to do’ or how I chose to show up, whether it is here right now writing this, or my former television show, being with a client, or offering a workshop…no matter what it was (my experience is varied!) or is – always, always, always; God comes first, God paves the way, my faith is ignited in intention; no matter how it looked or looks on the outside. 

I intentionally ‘be’ with this knowing lately, seeing it all lead to one place only – the combination of our personal relationship with God and how we are in this life due to that.  

With all the paths we can choose to ‘enlighten’ & ‘awaken’ ourselves, which can also mean, I just want to feel better, do better, be better…..perhaps the simple question is; are you a good neighbor? Yes, friends, Mr Rogers had it.

I speak often that my work has been to help others remove the husks from their seeds. The seed being their GodSpark, their innate cosmic-ness, that gets covered up with fears and blinders and ego; the perceived messiness of humanness. Can it be simplified to simply being a good human, a kind human, a loving human; yes, it can. Can we just strip away all the foo-foo ness, all the fancy labels, all the constructs we design for self importance and simply be a good neighbor, no matter where we stand or who our neighbor is. Can we just be nice? 

Can we let go of all the fancy rituals, expensive workshops, all the stuff we make up, gloriously so…… and let it come down to our own actions, our own self responsibility, our own feelings of kindness. Do we REALLY have to travel to know God? Don’t you want to feel God anyplace you stand? Don’t you want to really, really embody that ALL ground is Holy ground? Do you really have to travel across oceans to feel sacredness? Do we really think that Spirit is there and not here? 

The other day a beloved said to me, after sharing the question of why her family was (still) treating her with what she sees as less than respect, “Deborah, I thought that if I studied all I have, read all the books, traveled, became a minister,  did this and that….that it would change that.” – Which led our conversation to feeling the word of God, not just reading it, or preaching it.  Perhaps theology vs spirituality. And definitely about shifting our interior, not only the exterior; the outer learning is the way in, the inner awareness is the way through.

F-E-E-L. Feel that which cannot be seen and let it thrill you! Let the vibration shake open your heart and FEEL Spirit. One of my favorite places to go is churches, the really old ones, the ones where hundreds have sat before me…and be the only one there, and FEEL the essence in the space. And, in a really, really good moment, I can feel THAT anywhere. I can sit on the park bench, and feel the trees, the light of day, the essence & vibration of the holy ground of God – and the spark is lit.

Sit and feel IT, then get up and go. 

So, I have a big birthday (huge, momentous, OMG, how did I get here!)  coming up, no doubt why so much introspection these days…. and having been totally committed, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to this path, now for 27 years, and in slowing down some, not having idea where I will land, I do know this:  We MUST feel our way to God. We MUST see our role in our daily lives of what is around us and take 100 % responsibility for our responses and actions. No, not always easy. And yes, always possible. We must come to learn that life is about ‘me and God’ first; then, we simply go about our day. 

Thank you for joining me here,

Deborah

http://www.amethystlight.org

 

Dig Me Out God!

Related imageNadia Bolz-Weber is ONE of my favorite ‘famous’ (or would she prefer infamous, a little more colorful?) pastors, clergy, ministers…outspoken, different, strong, courageous, mouthy, bold, and faithful in and to and of God beyond one iota of anything.

The above quote, for me, is what this journey of faith is all about. We can use the mud and the lotus, a very pretty analogy, which I have used often myself, or, we can get down  and dirty, raw and real and say it THIS way. 

Dig me out of this GOD! I made this, I created this, this way, this sorrow, this pain, this addiction, this story – and I WANT OUT! 

Truly, take away all the politeness and this is where we land. And I believe, if we are honest with ourselves, we land here everyday – mostly. We may land here quietly, not a very large hole, not TOO much dirt, we can see the horizon, (we might have to squint)  but still need a lift …….or perhaps we are fully buried under a HUGE pile of dirt and the smallest of cracks is miles away and setting our heart on it feels too exhausting, too difficult and too hard by ourselves. Either way, who you gonna call? No, not ghost-busters – Yup, God. 

Let’s go to the ‘grave’ word. Grave, where our bodies are after we die, unless we are cremated, but you get my point. Grave. The grave. A grave. If we are asking God to take us from the grave we have dug for ourselves, we asking to be re-born. We are saying, let me leave this part of myself that got me here, here.  Let me allow that which no longer works for me to stay here, let me leave that thought behind, that story, that pain, that victim hood – and LET ME RISE! 

This takes surrender. It takes lack of air, no more clinging, not another idea or action of resolution – it takes letting go. This act of faith may take a ritual, a simple prayer or  group support, a guidance from another, a Sunday in Church – whatever it takes, find that, and do it. 

Dig me out of this GOD! I made this, I created this, this way, this sorrow, this pain, this addiction, this story – and I WANT OUT!  Thank you God! Thank you Jesus! Amen!

shared with enormous love,

Deborah

http://www.amethystlight.org

aging, kindness & tolerance…..

(This post was originally shared May 2016. Perfectly, I rediscovered it this morning, after a few hours of internet searching for an ‘aging’ issue I am experiencing. This post, it feels worth repeating. What I get from it now is self care, self patience, and self humor, as I ride the waves of changes…and continually (my intention!)  come back to natural balance.)   

aging……………we each do it………………some to different ages than  others………..but these comments are about aging into 60’s, 70’s and beyond………..

in the grocery store the other day, a younger clerk (early 30’s) was helping an elder (80’s) shop. the elder was pushing her cart, with cane in cart, glaucoma shades on, her hair recently coifed and orthopedic shoes for balance. evidently on Wednesdays the elder transport bus picks up several souls and drops them off to food shop, then comes around again and takes them home. like many at that age, her hearing was weak and she constantly repeated and asked questions at the deli counter while waiting for her roasted chicken. questions that many found ‘absurd’, according to their faces and grins; how much does it weigh, why is it taking so long, are you cooking it? there was a lot of smirking. 

i was behind our elder friend at checkout. watching the assistant being frustrated, looking around for help, answering questions over and over, her face showing frustration over and over. even when this elder expressed how hard this is to do……more behind the scene smirks.

i was called to the next aisle. the young man (20s) waiting on me, made a head nod to the elder behind him and said, i am sorry for all the confusion over there. i stopped and looked directly at him, another woman in her 60’s behind me…..there is no need to apologize for anything, we are each aging, even you. one day this may be you, needing assistance with your shopping – there is nothing to apologize for. your store is showing her a kindness.

can you hear the silence?

can you hear the lady behind me give me a look of surprised thankfulness?

yes, it does take an enormous amount of patience to assist some elders – but this elder was actually very nice, accepting of the help, very appreciative. her concerns were waiting longer than needed; of course, her legs are probably exhausted. her concerns were how much does the roasted chicken weigh;  she is probably alone and does not want to waste food.

to think of others circumstances lends us to compassion, kindness & tolerance. aging is a real thing. even with how healthy i am and the strong, active life i have led; at 62 i am ‘feeling’ the aging thing.  movement is slower. i remind myself, my soul is ageless, but my (beautiful ,strong, amazing) body truly is temporary. it may take 2 days to mow the lawn, rather than all in one. (BIG lawn!) as i said to my acupuncturist yesterday, who is treating me for an ‘aging thing’……aging takes time. life catches up with you. there are more ‘things’ i have to do in order to continue to age well – whether my Nettie pot daily use, being sure to floss thoroughly every single day, wearing the right shoes or stretching much more often than ever before and even more important; being okay with this– respecting my body, going with what is, accepting change.  for me personally, the most important is to continue to live from my holistic, faith based perceptions. it truly is what has always been my intention – to walk my talk, live what i teach. i have felt the fears come up, a reaction here and there of what ‘may be’ when a joint is not as graceful as it use to be; it lasts a moment or a day; and then i surround myself with like minded practitioners (who empower and do not place words of fear in my mind) – and all is well.

be patient, its good for you.

be kind, its good for you.

stop pushing against anything, whether it be your own process or another persons. we are all in this together. 

Deborah Evans Hogan

http://www.amethystlight.org

The God Help Desk…………..

Is it a need, a desire or a calling? That thing, that idea, that thought? What am I to do?

Sound familiar? It is amazing what trips our mind and heart can take us on. We can get this idea and give it growth by thinking about it; this way to make money, or this way to reach others, or this new business idea…or even, an entirely new way of living, of being, of showing up in the world. We can get an idea to change jobs, to move, to quit what we do and await our next idea!

I believe most of us get a single change idea at one time. Some, get the whole ball of wax, of  rewriting ones life all at once.  Weather it is to change jobs or change how, where & when you show up in the world in every single aspect of your life; discernment is always called for.

How we discern is each different. Many talk with trusted loved ones, bounce ideas around, get input. Is that enough? For if others only see through their own visions and spirits, is that reliable? No, not by itself. What it does do, is stir within us new ways of seeing the idea and this can only be a good thing, when we listen to our own hearts and do not depend solely on others to allow them to decide for us, but hear what they offer and feel if it lands for us or not.

Perhaps you discern on self reliance, as if you in your own humanness know all you need to know, like a human unto itself with no requirement for reflection, only depending on what is known right now. Self reliance is not a positive thing. It is of ego and leaves out all the magic that is possible, all the miracle building, all the holy connections and exquisite collaboration of an inner journey.

For me, prayer & discernment is all about my relationship with God. To inquire, share, ask & trust in faith of answered prayer. I really do think, and anyone who knows me will tell you, that I have an ongoing chat with God and I really do believe that Jesus and I are good friends and He is always by my side, carrying, dragging or walking with me – given what is best for me in that moment.

It is not that I do not trust myself. However, it is that I trust God more and without allowing for Gods input, I fail myself in my faith. I so want the Universal Presence of Creation to just pick me up by the scruff of my neck and place me right where I want to be – unfortunately life does not work that way. But, if I sit in the quiet, place a request at the God help desk, and then let it go – I always get an answer. It is not always what I wanted, but it does always feel right, always gives me relief – and then I trust it.

For me, a need comes from vacancy & lack, and discerning with God fills that void. This will often lead me into Divine collaboration with others input. A desire may come from ego or the heart – and God gives me clarity on that. A calling, an intimately personal desire,  keeps thumping at my heart strings, causes me to go into the quiet often, feels enormous enough that I know it is impossible without God, can hardly be seen as an option in the moment – and those require all I have in my trust, faith and belief in the One Power, One Presence and Oneness of my birthright.

Image result for God help desk quotes

with great love, Deborah

http://www.amethystlight.org

In the Every Day, before you poke me…..

I often wonder, about the ‘bigness’ and expansiveness taught these days – I love it too – and it all sings to me, yet I immediately fall back to what about how we as individuals show up right now?  What about bringing in all this huge thinking to a speck in time, a moment in the everyday?

I guess I am always attempting this myself – to show kindness, connection with anyone, love in the grocery store, tolerance with myself and strangers. I am more concerned with how we show up as individuals in the everyday than I am in the bigness of life. Even though I have had many experiences one can call metaphysical, spiritual, etc…..even though I have traveled to the other side and back, had several OOB experiences, worked church ministry for nine years, can communicate soul to soul with those living or passed through the veils, am very comfortable speaking with hundreds or more in a room, …….I am drawn to work with individuals and God made this clear through my life……no, not groups Deborah….an individual – and at first I found it depressing, like I was not good enough or did not know enough to draw large numbers….then, I realized – some of us work with groups and some work with individuals. Not better or less than. Just is.  I have come to honor my ability to sit with one or a few folks at a time and reach in and support their personal journey to freedom. I think of it like a seed, I help you shed the husk, to expose the perfect God seed within. 

Back to the everyday – God in all places at all times in all ways. Even when I get blood drawn. So, here is my pet peeve;  If you are going to put a needle in my arm, you can at least tell me your name, introduce yourself to me, maybe stretch your hand out, my food server tells me their name, so can you. Last week I had a very intimate medical test done, and as the radiologist walked me to the room, I had to ask her name, for she never told me hers, never introduced herself, just stood at the desk, said my name out loud and escorted me to the room asking questions. This simply lacks humanity, not to mention it is rude. 

Connection makes people feel safe, comfortable, seen. I always will ask you your name, look at you in the eyes, want to make contact. I will stop you to do so. And the truth is, one can only be comfortable making connection with others who are already comfortable with themselves. 

It is easy for me to place my faith in God and without judgement (yes, with observation) stop for moment and ask YOU your name before we move forward to sticking me with foreign objects – and we do connect. I forgive you – AND I want you, if you are in any health service industry, please stop, look at your patience eyes and take ten seconds to ask their name, tell them yours, and let them feel a connection through our humanity. Asking my name and birth-date to check it against my wristband is one thing, but ignoring your own introduction is a void. Allow the connection of you introducing yourself; Good Morning, I am Deb, I will be taking your blood today – let it be a moment of CONNECTION. It will allow for a much smoother experience, I promise. As well as dental cleaning, check ups, in an emergency room, or x-ray or even a nurse coming into a room; stop and introduce yourself, please. 

The best moment I ever had with a doctor was a dermatologist who was going to be removing one of those skin cancers from my back. I was sitting on the table and he entered, stopped, came over to me, sat down next to me, look at me with care, introduced him self and asked if I had ever had anything like this done before?  No, I have not. Well, let me explain to you what happens – he introduced his assistant, he talked and then he asked if I had any questions. I felt so seen, so safe, so cared for. It was a beautiful experience. Forever embraced in my heart. 

I realize your days are packed, you have more work than hours in your shift – yet, you also have the ability to make a heart connection with several people in one day, to let them feel their fears quelled and know they are not alone. You may want to take advantage of those opportunities, they are good for you too. 

Shared with love,

Deborah Evans Hogan

http://www.amethystlight.org 

LIGHT!

(Hello! This was a recent FB post I wrote…and I find many do not participate in the longer posts – and I think it is such a good one! So, I am sharing it here, in hopes to cast the net a bit wider. )

The word LIGHT appears 177 times in the old testament, and 90 in the new testament, (according to King James version).

(The phrase comes from the third verse of the Book of Genesis. In the King James Bible, it reads, in context:

1 – In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
2 – And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
3 – And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
4 – And God saw the light, and it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness.)

The Light of day, the light of a new dawn, the light after the storm. In society, in metaphysics, in every day life – we use the word LIGHT to express better than dark, feeling Lighter. Light is the chosen word to use, to ‘equate’ the positive feeling when we are lifted from a heavier thought form or experience. We Light candles and burn oils in multiple spiritual & religious expressions of joy and letting go and surrounding loved ones as they pass to the next great adventure. Many say God is the Light..and the way. Painters, photographers, use light to create, expose and shadow. We hold vigil, have candlelight eve services, dine by candlelight, use night lights, make love by candlelight……………fireworks for the new year light up the sky.

In conversation many years ago a man told me he had just done a night walk…..he left his home (small urban town) when it darkened in the evening sky and walked about his town all night long by himself, then went home at sunrise. He said it was an incredible experience. He suggested I do it. I did not. Perhaps the fear based physical discomfort I felt in the thought of doing it was the fact I did not yet have enough LIGHT shining from within me, to lighten my path in the night.

Which came first? The fear of the dark or the love of the Light?

For many, including myself, there is absolutely, undeniably, totally and unquestionably a deeply palpable feeling of Lightness when i come into the Presence of whatever it is which creates my God connection to ignite.

And I seek it every day. Lately it feels like a soft humming, always in the background…then wham! Ignition.

Other times we can be in so much fear by going down the rabbit hole of our minds the dark is heavy and we need another person to guide us out of the cave.

We do not have the Light without the dark – and we have SO much LIGHT! It is poured through our worldly civilization in word, phrases and ritual. It is always surrounding us in laughter, love and support. We do seek a feeling and experience of the Divine through whatever it is that makes us as individuals feel the Light, the Light of the World.

shared with great love, Deborah

http://www.amethystlight.org