emotions vs feelings

“Emotions are not your friend.” – quoting myself here. People get emotions and feelings mixed up, like loyalty and love. Two different things; completely. 

Emotions are connected to the ego/mind. They set the gerbil wheel in motion and then pull you into the rabbit hole and we end up with a paper bag over our heads and we can’t see the forest through the trees. Not pretty, nor helpful. Emotions are from or will rapidly bring us into victim mentality. Emotions are whining, needy, manipulative, extreme. They will separate us from our own heart centers as well as from others. The greatest of all misunderstandings is when people believe emotions come from the heart, and that they make us appear or are an effect of us being compassionate, loving, kind or helpful. They do not. Emotions are surface oriented. One looses a sense of empowerment when emotions get the ‘better’ of us. Emotions are re-actions to energy, to misalignment, to an outside expression. If you feel tugging, it is an emotion. Make a u-turn, quick.

Feelings. Feelings are associated with the depths of the heart center. Feelings are expressions of one who knows oneself, who is grounded in a strong & healthy foundation of an evolved consciousness. Feelings are helpful, they move, have life. Feelings are a magnificent combination of the head & heart expressed in loving kindness to self or other. Feelings come from the I AM. Feelings are felt, expressed and offered with 100 % responsibility. One could say, feelings are emotions in balance. 

Emotions will deal with other people’s issues as their own. Emotions do not hold boundaries, respect or a speck of true authority. Emotions blame, find fault, make others wrong.

Emotions are fleeting, they change as the weather shifts. Feelings are stable.

Feelings will allow others their own expressions, yet will express how they feel about a matter, not how they feel about what the person is expressing. Emotions will say how can you do this to me? Feelings will say, this no longer is good for me. Emotions will express you did, you are, you bother, you make it difficult for me; you, you, you.  Emotions point fingers. Feelings express from the deep end of the pool; This is not my responsibility, it is yours. I cannot do this for you, you have to do it for yourself. Feelings will state, my happiness is not your responsibility. 

I learn a lot of life through gardening. Natures laws are for all. My friend, a gardener, gave me a consult early this spring on my garden. ‘Instead of watering a bit each day, water twice a week, soak it, i mean really, really soak it. Make the roots go deep for the water. Surface watering keeps the roots on the top, and then there is no structure to hold up the plant. ‘

Brilliance. God speaks through gardening!

Bless you and thank you for sharing with me. 

Deborah Evans Hogan


Master Energy Practitioner, Spiritual Healer, Intuitive.




Stepping into the Dream

Image result for your playing small quotes

This quote always gets me. It stops me, makes me ponder, think. Sometimes it pains me, causes me to question everything. It immediately brings up how I feel when another person is feeling very confidant and I feel very small in their midst, even a passing comment can throw me. It can spark the moments when my over zealous self can speak with power, but lack awareness in the moment of Gods wisdom & compassion…..and I sound like a tractor train bulldozing the fields, leaving other people hearts in my field of arrogance. This comment makes me spin. Inadequacy explodes from the seeds of any lack of worth retained yet unhealed within me from family and childhood. Dear God, it is my ‘kryptonite’.  It makes everything that needs and is crying to be brought to the Light cringe, shake, rattle and cause me to want to hide under the covers or throw up. Either one would be a relief. 

In case you cannot tell, I am there right now. In that place of hiding or tossing my cookies. There was no where else to go, but on this blog to post……see if writing through it may help…….perhaps in sharing my present space of being in a totally vulnerable state of my own self worth issues gleaming in my dreams like a trucks headlights on a dark highway……..my honesty and sharing may help another.  

So, up till a month or so ago, things were moving along charmingly. I was feeling, being and living a rather dream like existence of success and feel goodness. Since I was feeling so good, I was guided to take a huge risk. Obviously I was feeling ‘safe’. Very, very safe. I began other thoughts. Or, other thoughts began me. I began to question. Through prayer & Source guidance, I set my goals on a risk, a dream, aiming to bring it into fruition. I invited others into it with me. They accepted, fully on board, very lovingly and supporting of this dream, this life long intention. 

I started to financially invest in this, and then; WHAMMY! Down the rabbit hole. I REALLY felt like I was ready. I REALLY felt Holy Spirit say yes, now is the time. 

Since then, since i said Yes! – my insides have dropped out, churned around and my ego-mind is having its fear based way with me. Doubting this, questioning that. Do you know what I am speaking of? We make an intention, we state a thesis, then the antithesis and every unlike comes up to be dueled with! I teach this. Synergy is next. Oh, dear God, please, let synergy arise!! I said yes and doubt, harsh words, lack……all of it, up for whatever! I am beat up.  

Earlier, I woke up  from a dream – I was in a circle of women, a few who I know, respect, look up to and admire. One male, the teacher or leader – was to my left. We each were to take a draw on a pipe and then blow the smoke in the circle. Everyone who did it received positive feedback from the male teacher. I did it. Nothing. No one said a word. I asked for feedback. Silence. He went on to the next person. Yup, that’s when i woke up. It was defeating to say the least. 

The evening before I was the recipient of a phone message from a relative who shared with me his excitement about an upcoming party for our great niece. He went on and on about it, and the size of it, etc. What I want to believe is he did not know i was not invited. Now, this is intellectually okay – I do not know her as an adult, I am not part of the tight family circle – it is more than okay on the physical level I am not included – AND at the same time, it is a tangible example of being the square peg in the perfectly round family, the one who does not belong and it feels awful, terrible, nauseating. It is. I would not go anyways, the last time I forced myself to go to try to belong it was catastrophic event of historical pain & embarrassment. Know who you are. Acceptance helps. Do not go against. Go with…..my own haunting teachings sounding at myself. 

As I laid in bed this morning, post blowing smoke dream, I heard the seed words; inadequacy.  I had that critical moment of clarity when one knows from where one is coming from; inadequacy. Feeling totally, devastatingly and apologetically inadequate. YUCK. Holy yuck, sacred yuck – where are the blessings in this poop??? Inadequate. Okay, parental blame, but get over it already! 

I have no doubt that God guided me to the moment of saying yes for my dream. None. Let me be very clear, I do not doubt that I was clearly guided to take this undisclosed action of risk, of the dream – and since then, all *&^% has broken loose in self sabotage, needing outside validation like a three year old, this huge fear of playing small is all I can do right now. Frozen. Paralyzed in terror and self defeating-ness, i am. This past week has been one of grave discomfort, visiting places that leave me shattered. Playing small feels awful. It truly serves nothing good! The vacant, empty suckiness of the ego. Playing small goes against God. Playing small is not fearless faith! Playing small goes against our True Identity! God is not small. Gods presence and power, being the greatest there is, is the opposite of small! I teach others, if a thought does not feel good, this is your sure sign it goes against your True Self, your Higher Self, your God Self. Listen to your own teachings Deborah… listen!

We really need to rally with one another and empower, encourage and embrace – combined with wisdom, zeal & co-passion of God. Forgetting the ‘with God’ part hardens. Forgetting the God part allows for ego to step in and take over. Forgetting the God part causes us to play small! God is who we are. IT is our greatest part – our humaneness is our body and personality, our ego human based facet. God created us. Each of us – and we are awesome. We are amazing. We truly are powerful beyond measure. Empower, encourage & embrace. Empower, encourage & embrace. Empower, encourage & embrace. 

Empower. Encourage. Embrace. 

No more small. Step into your dreams. You can do this!

Shared with love,



Rev. Deborah Evans Hogan

Master Energy Practitioner, Spiritual Healer, Intuitive.



Church on the Go…..

Image result for photo stone church        Very often I hear, wherever you go Deborah, there is church. Today, I heard it again. This time it made me think. Previously, I took it as a joyful statement, a compliment perhaps. Except for nine years in interim church ministry, and one year of my own church with a building, I have always seen my church as wherever I am. And I do like that. Yet today, for a moment,  I wondered…..

When you hear the word church, what do you first think of?  God?  Religion? Spirituality? Prayer? Each church building telling a different story, teaching a different doctrine? We can say we feel the largest church is nature, being outside, feeling the Presence of that which has no language. I began to consider how church is related to religion…….yet in truth, related with GOD, first. When we hear church we think of God. Going to learn about God. When I think of religion, hear the word religion, I do not think of God first. I confess, the word religion rubs me the wrong way, even though my ministry is a church in the state of Massachusetts. To me, like many, God has very little to do with the term religion, and religion has to do with theology. The intellect of the bible as well as other written books. I am most defiantly a spiritualist at heart, an ordained interfaith minister, which I prefer to say trans-denominational………for God truly moves through all labels, boxes, denominations and religious teachings. And interfaith conveys I know a bit about all religions; not so. I do know my own awareness of God. God cannot be defined. The idea of defining God — well, just not possible.

I love the idea of a church with no walls.  I do not have a building. I have an office, and I have my very God centered heart aligned with fearless faith in the Source of all Life. My husband refers to our home as an ashram. I’ll take it.

Yet, what about attempting to cover an understanding with verbiage of/about/in reference to God….. as a way to encapsulate the infinite & eternal? Really? Can you explain how a rose smells?

For me, I believe we must have an experience of God in order to have any awareness of this undefinable and yet undeniable omnipotent something. This is exactly why I love churches, I am a self-proclaimed church junkie – being in them, visiting them, sitting, taking it in, letting the energy of the emptiness pour through me.  In any place or space where many have had palpable experiences of the undefinable – there resides an energy of love, sacredness, holiness. I really ache for that, each day.

I also believe church can be anywhere, anyplace, at any time. Wherever two or more are gathered. Prayer with another in the aisle at the grocery store; church. You got churched. Is that not what we are seeking, that you got that ‘churched’ feeling? A song, a conversation, a mountaintop; it is all about the FEELING we have; that palpable, indescribable, ‘feeling’. A feeling that can bring tears, a feeling that fills us with clarity, takes away any fear, heals our bodies, calms our minds. But, that is God.

With the above description, then yes, i admit, wherever i go, church; for that IS my intention, always. To be so connected in my awareness of Higher Power, God, Creator, Allness……that I scoop other hearts up with me and together we feel the capable presence of the great Isness.

Thank you if you stayed with me, reading this all over the place blog post. Much like God; impossible to pin down, not able to set boundaries around it, nor is there an even, intellectual, flowing line of thinking!

Bless you my friend, may you feel and know the Precense of that which cannot be seen and only felt, to such a degree of depth that your heart is filled up!

Shared with love,


head shot looking down





I have written and spoken about this teaching numerous times – and yesterday it came up in a group healing event – so, the request for more information is being answered here. I have no doubt, because these stages are universal that psychologically and other, they are understood in different language – this understanding I write from is spoken from an energetic and spiritual perspective.

Along our road to awakening, (also known as enlightenment, ascension, the longest 18 inches from your head to your heart, wholeness, Oneness, Christ alignment) we each will experience these four levels of being; as a whole as well as, about individual concepts. Until one reaches the AS stage, this teaching falls on individual understandings, not the whole.

TO: is the victim stage of being. Life is done TO us, all happens outside of us, nothing is our fault, there is no comprehension of responsibility, we have no voice, no say, not one iota of the concept of empowerment. The language of them, to me, not my fault, I don’t know – is common ground at this level of perception of the world. As an adult we are still blaming our parents, as a person one is afraid of or vocally against authority figures. Think early religion, fear, ancient times. Ruled by emotions.

BY: At this stage one is beginning to open to the dark side of EGO, and yet it is still energetically healthier than the previous level of TO, for one has shifted from outside ones self to the interior mode. The BY stage is the where the individual believes THEY are fully & ONLY responsible for what they accomplished. I did this, I did that, I, I, I. This is all about ego.mind, without any concepts of Higher Power, being part of the whole, connection. This stage can be extremely defiant, in not wanting any outside support, not looking at any other ways, perceptions or opportunities, listening to ideas, recognition of innate relating/relationship, etc.  Everything is personal.

THROUGH: God is working THROUGH me. Prayer begins to enter, the idea of connection, I can do this FOR you. On the spiritual path, many stay in this space for lifetimes. This is the time one takes workshops, classes, schooling, and their book shelves are over-flowing. The ego can be very full of itself as one still sees them-self as separate, as fully human, as an individual. Reacting emotionally is less. We begin to practice CHOICE. Unconditional love is brought into the mind set.  Taking other peoples speech personally is less & less. 

AS: At this time, we are in full recognition that we were created of God energy, made in Its image and likeness, we are awake to our innate Divine connection as One – no matter any human characteristics. The ego has died, it is no longer resonate. Fear does not exist here. All stories have been healed. Divine Consciousness is Sourced. No longer is there a frequency of you & I; there is only God. At this point of understanding we are embodying all we have desired of Love. To embody is to MERGE in Oneness. Any perceptions of personal no longer exist. One is no longer responsible for anyone else’s emotions, reactions or choices. One knows another as they know Self.   One loves all. Grace is the flow. At this stage, when one is still in human form;joy is the way, faith is the nurturer, love is the only answer. One has experienced that Love is what allows, welcomes, creates space for God to be Present. One knows beyond a breath of doubt that surrender of the idea of I is the answer to life. 

Yes, so much more can be discussed, yet this, when contemplated, may be just enough.

Shared with love, Deborah