Many people are stating concerns and amazement at all the relationship changing in their lives. On our human level it can be quite painful, holding on with attachment and the need to fix or make better, not to mention the emotions of avoidance, grief, shame, guilt, less than, and too many others to list. On a spiritual level; one is able to let go, bless, love and leave it be. Yet in any relationship shift, in order to move forward, to gracefully allow all cords to sever through ease, there has to be a clear intentional point of; let go and let God.
Why so many? Why have so many people ‘lost’ so many friendships recently, had family members ignore them, need to walk away from long term friendships, experience unexpected goodbyes, awkward and out of the blue arguments and those weird and humanly unexplained verbal ‘attacks’ from loved ones?
As you grow, evolve and change your beliefs – your energy shifts, you let go of old ways, your presence changes, even if you have not cut a hair on your head and wear the same clothes every day – your ENERGY changes with each new thought & belief. When your energy changes you are perceived differently and you SEE differently. When you have contemplated new ideas, meditate more, mature; your energy changes – old thoughts no longer exist, new ideas are filling you up; your ENERGY changes. This causes shifts on every single level of your being. This causes shifts on how others relate to you and how you relate to others.
People who lack faith and/or do not like change will find this experience every uncomfortable.
Perhaps you have been one way your entire life; then, you have a spiritual awakening. Instead of being in fear, you are now seeing from pure love. How can you expect things NOT to change? You are, as I say, changing the rules in the middle of the game (relationship)…..and each person you are in relationship with is not going to go along with the new rules…..and why should they, they are YOUR new ways of being, not theirs.
During this time of such great relationship changing, I often remember a scene from the movie “My Name is Bill W.” This movie is about the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous; Bill Wilson. As he gets sober, his wife and he have a scene of how she does not like who he has become, she does not know how to relate to him anymore. She is furious, afraid and does not want him to get sober. It is an all out fight. Excellent scene. So, so, so true.
Think of this; you and your childhood friend grow apart in going to different colleges, you each go in opposite directions. One day you meet on the street and your friend is now a nun, or a priest or homeless or a politician. You will wonder how to relate, and ponder even if you want to.
The exterior changes are easier to handle, make sense of, than the internal changes we are experiencing now. It is an expected facet of our human lives to see our friends change; as they marry, study varied interests, divorce, move from the city to the country, become single, have children. There is a part of us that can be happy for them. Internal changes express differently. Some folks can have all the human changes but remain the same internal person. Others, can have no external changes; but internally are made new. Energy. (Yes, eventually external changes will come from the internal shifts.)
During the journey of going from the head to the heart, from the ego to love, what one sometimes calls the ascension process; our internal awareness of Spirit changes EVERYTHING. We will no longer tolerate certain attitudes, lack of integrity, lying, deceit, fear, addictions….we will be able to hold boundaries in a brand new way. This does not mean one will no longer love another, but it does mean, one will consciously choose who we wish to share time with, choose conversations, choose how we engage with the world.
This process is not easy. This journey can be humanly lonely. This experience gifts us with the knowledge of letting go without blame; simply, “it is”. As we practice coming from a deeper understanding of nothing is wrong, each person can choose how they wish to show up, ‘I care more about how I am feeling than paying attention to negative and lack expressions’; relationships will definitely change.
The same is true from the other perspective; relating is two way. We may find, as we shift into realizing what we engage with in conversation becomes a part of our energy field, we choose to no longer talk or feed about certain subjects in the same way we once did – BUT our family is use to the old us! That is painful and confusing for the ones who count on the old you. One expression of this is a previous loved one CANNOT SEE YOU. There perception of life has not changed, so they are literately unable to SEE YOU. I have come to find this humorous. My brother was talking about his new female friend and he told her I was an artist. She had asked what I did. I do paint, but I make my living as a healer, a minister, a spiritual guide & teacher. He does not see that. Nothing is wrong, just is.
I consciously (unconsciously 1973) began my spiritual path & awakening in 1992. The first five years were filled with many different teachers and experiences. Beginning in 1997, I started making intentional (and tough) choices about how I wanted to show up in this life, how I wanted to be, what I believed in and I was determined to walk my talk. Boy, ‘relationships changed’ is an understatement.
To this day, in 2017, my relationships continue to shift. People have let go of me, and I of them. For me, I still deeply love them. I still hold them in my heart, want only happiness for them. I still care about them. BUT, our energies have shifted to such a degree that the cords which once bonded us no longer exist. There is nothing to fix. There is nothing wrong. I am very fortunate to have two friends with whom this has happened, who were evolved enough to be part of the unwinding without cruelty. I still miss having them in my life, BUT we are no longer energetically connected. Let go and let God.
Like many others I have heard from, I was once verbally attacked by a family member. It was radically unexpected, with such fierce, loud and brutal language; I was totally caught off guard; BUT, I was able to not retaliate, to remove myself in a loving manner from the room and leave their home. I was certainly shaken, and at the same time, I felt confidant in my chosen response. And, the attack changed everything.
We did not speak for quite a while, a few months, and a letter came from them accusing me of being in a sensitive position that day and wondering why I came to their home in such a way. It was just too interesting. We saw two entirely different stories. He had gone on and on about illness, I made one comment about how we differ in our viewpoints about health and he lit into me about not wanting to talk about Jesus. (Even though I am minister, Jesus had never been a conversation for us.) It was if something else got hold of him and all his rage he ever felt in his entire life poured onto me into the smallness of his kitchen. I came to the point that this was not my business. We spoke on the phone several months latter, and the vast crevice of who we each are has been made more palpable. I love him, I miss us, and we have very little to share. Conversations are rare, for I am not political, I believe in abundance, I love love. We are different, that is it. No one right, wrong, better or more good. But, different.
I have learned that our family are relatives, not necessarily family. Birth/blood family guarantees opportunities for growth, and not necessarily friendships. For me personally, I thank Spirit for each of my blood family, for they have given me so many opportunities to show up in more love and integrity than I ever knew I had in me. They have taught me patience and how to love unconditionally, how to walk away, how to be unattached, how to hold to space, how to seek where I do belong, where I do feel good about myself. Again, not easy. We are not part of each others holidays, I am not welcomed, I am not included; this is as much about my choices as theirs. Nothing is wrong. Just different. It is spiritually logical, and it is lonely.
As we change our internal energy, our compass, our substance we stand upon changes. We find ourselves outside the former circle. Nothing is wrong.
What I can tell you is, finally, I am clear enough to be finding and meeting more of my soul group. More authentic, kind, loving, fearless and honest souls. Thank you God. And, because I am able to see through veils and communicate with the life force in all things, my friends and loved ones are now more than people and many are in non 3d form; yet, I feel and know I am loved beyond measure and now, I am never alone.
Shared with love,
Deborah Evans Hogan