chaos & clarity

In the midst of chaos lies our deepest and most authentic desire for clarity. We are here.

Since 1992 i have consciously let, asked and allowed my heart to direct me on this open, bumpy, curvy, transforming, blissful and agonizing path of self realization. Out of pain, fear and lack; i dedicated my heart to knowing God. It would be interesting to place every book, every teacher, retreat, church, workshop, i have turned to, each experience which helped to wake me up; all in one room, in order to be observed, witnessed and seen as a whole. I think the room would be busting at its seams! Like visiting the museum of Deborah’s soul. Kinda of fun. Yes, it may appear like a fun house of the heart; like many, many others, like yours; just varied paths and experiences; all getting us to FEEL and know. The one same thing that all those moments of awakening had in common, was a preliminary  encounter of chaos.  Physical, emotional or spiritual; but chaos, the interior awareness that this does not feel good.

Right now, in this time and space of our evolution as a whole, yet deeply and daily being undeniably reflected through my clients stories – we are most certainly at a (w)holy precipice.

There are too many places to run for support. Since December 2012, many have been aware of this ride, this journey some call of ‘ascension’.  Others have been entangled in the Mayan philosophies, or what our astrology and the stars and star guides can tell us. Others turn to popular speakers, teachers, Gurus to help them make sense of these moments which feel truly unreal, unearthly; palpable, yet have no language. I am offering you one more perception.

In my early years of connection with a UNITY Church, a simple & POWERFUL teaching was offered which i have never forgotten and turn to often. TO-BY-THROUGH-AS.

TO: Life, things, stuff is done TO me. Victim-hood. I can do nothing. I am a baby, I am helpless, no one hears me. (chaos, chaos, chaos)

BY: Life, things, experiences are done BY me. i am responsible. The ego is living large at this point, taking ALL the credit with no awareness of CREATOR. (chaos, chaos)

THROUGH: As we begin to wake up and curiosity of our Oneness with Source is enlivened, we first believe God moves through us, it is done through us, if i am this way or that way, then manifestations are seen. Yet, we are still being in a belief of separation. (chaos) In this season of awareness, we DO have the realization, we do not do this alone, yet the me has not crossed the bridge to full surrender.

AS: God as me. Me as God. God in form. Total, complete and whole Oneness.

Right now, i feel this teaching, this offering is the path we each walk; individually and collectively. I feel the seams of my being-ness popping with excitement, how this paradigm is reflected in all of life! THIS, is that walk, that long and arduous walk from the head to the heart.

We can take our human growth from birth to adulthood and lay this spiritual architectural paradigm upon it. TO – conception till 5/6 years.  BY – 5/6 till  13/15.  THROUGH – 13/15 till  40’sh. AS – 40’s onward. Now, this is the ordained perfected pathway of opportunity. Most of us get stuck along the way.  This is why we find ourselves willing to DO our individual work post 40, the calling and energy is perfected for us to receive this awakening of Oneness, of no separation. Think of all the chaos we can be presented in our 40’s; marriage, divorce, children, parents dying, job loss…etc. Earth bound life experiences. Holy Chaos.

We can look upon our societal evolution, our faith based growth and see how this path is true to each facet of lives. In the beginning, man had many Gods, one for all things, and man was a victim to their yea or nays. (TO) Then, the idea that man may have more power, more voice and the idea that the Gods would  work with us or were part of our society was introduced. The ego was very loud here, man is a God. (BY) We settled into THROUGH for a long time. Prayer became the go to  for anyone wanting God to work through their lives to manifest good, ease and grace. Churches on each corner. Sunday at its best. Visits to mediums, psychics, and others who could tell us what was happening. Through holds the energy of outside of ourselves first, and through us second.

At each of these seasons of evolution, the cosmic-ness of life energized our planet with just the perfect energies, as is our human growth energized, giving us opportunities to experience these for the exact purpose of growth, conscious development, and waking up. Chaos has always played a necessary role for those higher vibrations we want to reach, to be desired,  seen and touched.

And right now; AS. Personally, my awareness of ‘as God’ – God and i are ONE, has been a great internal challenge.  Just last fall (2016) i was critically aware of my heart yearning for no more separation, (also at this same time seeing the United States and world carrying same energies, realizing this is where we are universally) yet those i heard who stated they knew of ‘God as me’, i saw as being egoistic. ..and for me, that is where i jump ship – i cannot tolerate anyone or anything of ego. The epitome of not realizing God. My stomach churns, my heart weeps, my empathic radar is on high alert for lack of one truly and humbly being awake to Divinity.  But, yet and even more…this is my chaos and it forces me to be in silence with my knowing that i am LITERALLY no-thing without this Divine Cosmic Isness we called God. I do not exist. And I do not exist until i realize this; then i exist fully, unencumbered and in flowing grace of the I AM.

How beautiful is this life? How perfect is this dance we do? How magnificent a set up the Divine Architect created for each of his/her children to dance along this earth plane, weaving in and out, playing a game of sacred hide and seek with Love…….and then,  and now, the Cosmic Energies, ALL OF IT; from the waves of solar flames, to political disgust, to many in pain walking an ascension path to their own hearts….and EACH of us being given the perfect moments to acknowledge the Creator, the power & presence greater than i! Oh, my. Tears of joy.

The chaos right now is the Divine, as it always is saying, wake up!!!! Right now, the support we have, to go within ourselves, to seek self inquiry, to know the Divinity which we are is at the highest point of our evolution; it is the time for Divine involution. To seek our Presence which is reside at our depths and is eternal – to define what this means to us, to know the power of this presence and to say yes to IT with all of ourselves, knowing and believing and living that this Power is greater than any lack.

And this, is why myself and many others are here, to support as many souls as we are able in this journey of going from the head to the heart, from chaos to grace, from fear to love, from ego to on our knees humbleness – to know, you’ve always had the power.

Lightness aside, this is such a powerful teaching – and offers everything to say about it, to see it in everything.

Great love to you. Namaste,    Deborah

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