a radical seeker

i have decided to label myself a radical seeker. i want to and expect to see God work in all places. i expect my prayers to be answered. i expect clients to feel new and improved after a session. i expect people to be changed for the better after we sit together, pray, talk, be together in faith. i expect healing to be seen and felt through people laying their hands upon me and speaking the word of God. i expect testimonies to fill my email box every week. i absolutely expect the Kingdom of Heaven to be made manifest on earth.

and i believe. i believe when i speak with Jesus he is listening to me, hearing me and loving on me. i believe that i and you and them and him and her were created from the Source of All Things; God. i believe we are made of stardust. i believe love heals anything. i believe there are many paths of faith – i believe there is One God, One Source of Love and many diverse ways to meet him/her.

i have struggled for years to find a label for myself i liked and felt was true, honest and not misleading. minister has worked, always. i am one to talk about God with. but what KIND of minister, has been the question. when anyone asked me if i was a Christian i hemmed, hawed and moved around uncomfortably – yes, i know Jesus, and have an intimate and real relationship with Him – but for years i am unsure of Him dying on a cross for my sins. so, do i feel saved by Him? not exactly, but i certainly do look to Him to save me!

i was brought up Congregational, have studied Eastern philosophies, been to synagogue, chanted my heart open, received a Buddhist name from my Lama, studied, endlessly i might add,  metaphysics, meta-physicains and numerous New Thought teachings as well as i have been a student of A Course in Miracles for years. as an ordained interfaith minister i have gone to Catholic, Unitarian and other protestant churches; as well as  ministered and celebrated in them. (yes, i am a God junkie.)  i have served Science of Mind and Unity Churches…but could never get permanently hired, because you know…. i was not ordained by them, i had the lack of the label. i have been on the board of, taught and mentored in an interfaith ministerial and chaplaincy school; but cannot get hired as a chaplain, because you know…… i do not have those first 60 hours of credit on a piece of paper. a church i once served for three years, as they searched for the right leader…. refused to hire me, even though they loved me, many learned from me, we had tripled the congregation…but, how would the students get the credits in a class……because i was not ordained by their mother church.  i believe in many spiritual beliefs, past lives, talking with Spirits, speaking in tongues, and seat dancing in my car to very loud Christian music. my almost 30 year career has been fabulous! i am very grateful….but what am i? God is Gd and love is love..how does that fit into a box?

recently i started going to a Revitalize Church, praise and worship, based on Jesus, on love, on prophecy, healing, raising the dead, on each of the spiritual gifts. it is much more scripture based than anywhere i have ever found myself. (one time many years ago i did a weekend retreat with an Anglican teacher from England and the second morning they told me to watch for the demons coming out of ones body i left.) and no one is more surprised than me on how wonderful this present experience  and feels. the first 45 minutes is ALL loud, joyful, tear pouring music. it’s great! the soul stirs. the service is two hours long and by Tuesday morning i am ready for another one.

there has been one huge difference for me, though, and my contemplation of this is opening me wide; i am told, we are told, each Sunday, God loves me. God is here for me – and i do not, you do not, we do not have to do anything to gain Gods approval – Grace has already been gifted. Jesus adores me – He is here with me at all times and answers me at anytime. My gosh, where has this been all these years? the feeling i had when i first heard that God loves me was overwhelming. i share this knowing with others, with my own beloveds, i KNOW God loves YOU unconditionally…but…. I had never heard a clergy say that in Church before where i had been, and no one had ever said it to me. not this directly, authentically, compassionately. no repentance, there is nothing to do right, no forgiving, no self deprecation, no bad this or wrong way that. everyone is welcomed. come as you are. God loves you.

finally. thank you. for years i have personally had the critic that says, if such and such does not happen, i must have done it wrong. i did not use the right words, i did not see it right, i have a wrong belief…no, none of that…God loves you, God is a loving God, Jesus adores you, Grace is already given! i tell you, this idea that God loves me….is very, very cool. i sit with it all the time. i am still weary of it, i can feel the tightness in my body refusing to believe it, to embody it…but then i go to church on Sunday and 300 or so of the happiest, most joyful beings are loving on each other, praying on each other, laying their hands on each other, speaking in tongue, giddy with Holy Spirit…and i feel the palpable love in that room. no ego. love.

yup, this is me; a radical seeker.

What’s happening with my planets????

As i have previously stated, i look under all rocks for understanding. Also, i have not hid the fact that the past few years have been ‘challenging’; another words, lots and lots and lots of shifts, changes, revealing, and non nonsensical awareness’s; since my husband and i moved to our new location and home.

The past few months have revealed physical symptoms which reflect exhaustion and total changes in what i want to  do and do not want to do; who i have been and who i have become, what i like and what i do not like. Now, none of this can be seen; it has all been an inside job! This experience is present on a deeply personal level; as my intuition, prophecy,  and healing skills increased. I always know God is at work and good is present. My story is consistent;  I am woman of deep faith – and still……the holy waters shift, take me higher, hold me lower, have their way with me as i move through spiritual growth and my awareness of pure consciousness is revealed. I do not panic, or have anything outside of love be my story or my jumping off point….BUT as i said, i am always looking under rocks to understand more.

The icing on this season of my journey happened yesterday, with a phone appointment with my astrologer, who is my nephew. Yesterday was my day to receive his knowledgeable blessings.

When i initially reached out to him, i stated that since we moved here i have felt walls preventing me. I was intuiting that astrologically there would be an explanation, for intelligently, grounded wise; nothing was ‘making sense’. I had no other explanation for choices other than; i do not feel it.  I had been  plunked up by my wings, landed in a new area, and now what? I felt like i do not belong, have no friends, cannot find community; blah, blah, blah.

The conversation we had lasted one hour and began with him saying, there is so much happening here, i do not know where to  begin and ended with; Aunt Debbie, i want you to know, any other astrologer would have looked at your chart and had empathy for all you have gone through.

I got what I needed AND wanted – more understanding of these walls i felt, indecision i was experiencing and had to be okay with, at one point he said, this particular aspect caused you to feel like you are an alien in your new town, you could not belong………..i had three major experiences of planets on planets (the way i describe it!) causing push and pulling…it went on and on. I felt such relief! I knew i was not crazy – that something else was at work here. AND all of it, pushing me, taking me to my highest spiritual potential!

Through my journey, i  often seek to know what is happening planetary wise, in order to hear at another level what i am already aware of/feeling. There is a facet of, oh, i am not imagining this, it is grounded in the planets – which i find quite comforting.

Here are two choices for astrologers i recommend:

If you are a client, friend or beloved  of mine i will joyfully refer you to my nephew.

http://astroshaman.com/

https://www.facebook.com/seedsoftransformation/

Shared with love and faith,

Deborah

Daily Devotion

“There must be a change in consciousness before there can be a change in your outer experience. When you turn to a meta-physician for help and receive it without having expanded your consciousness; you have been  improved through his/her spiritual unfoldment. Sooner or later, in order to hold your good, you will have to realize your God-being; you will have to cultivate a spiritual sense of existence. Your good must come to you as the result of the activity of your own consciousness.” – Joel S. Goldsmith

One of my many great joys is when a long term client no longer needs to come – oh, they check in, perhaps on birthdays, or once a season – but they have developed their own relationship with God and no longer need to go through me – and that is a beautiful gift – to witness such awakening, growth and awareness in another being.

This personal relationship with God only comes through devotion; through making time, putting God first, listening, listening, listening. This comes from doing ones own work – reading, journaling, interior dialogue, morning readings of spiritual texts, contemplation, meditation, prayer time, going to church, finding community; not only with a yogi guiding you.

A shift in consciousness in awareness of our Oneness shifts everything! It is exciting to think others are shifting and then it is so heart opening to witness others make daily commitment in the silence; to hear the still small voice.

I had a client come to once and it was obvious she could not hear the silence. Trying to figure out how to change everyone in your life so you will feel better is not the road of healing. She wanted to come back, she wanted me to fix her – I said okay, but please go home and meditate every day for one month, then call me. I will be happy to see you then. No, she never came back. Those whose hearts are not open will  not hear the silence of love. Those whose hearts are aligned in pure consciousnesses of unconditional love, can only hear in silence.

It does not matter how many psychics, intuitive, readers, different churches or healers, you go to. Until you are willing to be as committed to your heart awakening to pure consciousness as a yogi would be for you; your gerbil wheel will keep turning.

shared with great love, Deborah