at what point are there too many hats?

I just realized this morning i wear many hats. (those who know me, stop laughing.) Yes in- deedy – how to wear them all in one day? do i have responsibility ADD? is it simply my creative genius, (with a very sarcastic node, please.) ? or am i truly nuts?

ok, more to ponder – but when ?

i often think of Joyce Carol Oates, – her passion for passion, for love, for education, for her prolific career of writing – cannot be put into words.  I once read that she wrote a play in a car from the airport to her home.

it takes drive. i have often doubted that i have that. i did once, but i think that hat is gone. whether it is an ascension symptom, my maturing-well-used mind changing, or, perhaps i am on the cusp of greatness ! – (more self deprecation and sarcasm) – it is clear, a sense of drive, or need, or urgency, or desire, or whatever – is no longer part of my path.

i prefer to let things come to me. even with all my many hats filled with responsibility and creative loving, joy-filled, passion; scheduling is not part of any plan right now. i do it when it calls, i go to it when i feel it. and only then. this pulling back to observe has certainly helped me see all the HATS!!!

my dear husband wants to know why i do not schedule things in my day planner. my brother wants to know why i do not know whether i am going to something in July yet or not – i try to explain to (my) loving left brained souls; i will know when i know, perhaps the morning of. usually the morning of. yes, the morning of. (yes, i do commit to vacation time.)

woman, wife, keeper of the hearth – i like an orderly home, i prefer clean when i am so moved, i keep our yard (2 acres), gardens, (weeding, watering, planting)  i mow (not sit down. close to 1.5 acres), i do the housekeeping, laundry, etc. if something needs fixing i do it or make a phone call. i paint chairs, rooms and fix toilets. i cook now and then…use to be more...i have let that need go, my husbands easy going-ness helps!  i have house plants, lots of flowers. i am the mother of an adult son who is accomplished and on his own, but still; my baby. * i am a minister. i take calls, pray with others, conduct ritual, have a private counseling practice.  * i teach Energy Medicine. * i write 3 different FB pages.(me in general, me the artist, me the minister) * i am an artist. i paint, i write, i draw. i have a self printed book i market, a line of cards and when enough paintings, i love to show & sell! * i LOVE writing, sharing thoughts, ideas. i have had a local play produced…..boxes are filled with plays, manuscripts, scenes… i still prefer writing hand written snail mail letters and notes. * i am a member of family, getting older, have considerations. * i value and need my quiet time; for prayer, meditation, solace, study. * and my husband would say i spend much time THINKING, the gears are always moving. (oh, and a blog i would LOVE to see go further along the venue of life.)

at 62 i have found myself attempting to put even more order to our home than there was. every single packed away box is being looked at and given to others OR put out in our home for use. NO MORE STORAGE! No more winter/summer clothes; it is all just OUT! i love accessibility and convenience.

back to my hats. since i have to have order, much needs to be in place before i will even ALLOW myself to begin a painting. i feel like a serial  monogamist – once i begin whatever it is, you have ALL of me; but then, on to the next one.

it is not an easy self awareness to see all of what we do. i believe that any one of my interests could be a sole interest and fill up quite a beautiful life; but this creative ADD twerks me around from answering the phone in prayer, to doing laundry, to teaching a class, to seeing a client….to walking by an empty easel.

well, there are my thoughts today – shared with love, passion and self deprecation, Deborah


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