aging, kindness & tolerance

(This post was originally shared May 2016. Perfectly, I rediscovered it this morning, after a few hours of internet searching for an ‘aging’ issue I am experiencing. This post, it feels worth repeating. What I get from it now is self care, self patience, and self humor, as I ride the waves of changes…and continually come back to natural balance.)   

aging……………we each do it………………some to different ages than  others………..but these comments are about aging into 60’s, 70’s and beyond………..

in the grocery store the other day, a younger clerk (early 30’s) was helping an elder (80’s) shop. the elder was pushing her cart, with cane in cart, glaucoma shades on, her hair recently coifed and orthopedic shoes for balance. evidently on Wednesdays the elder transport bus picks up several souls and drops them off to food shop, then comes around again and takes them home. like many at that age, her hearing was weak and she constantly repeated and asked questions at the deli counter while waiting for her roasted chicken. questions that many found ‘absurd’, according to their faces and grins; how much does it weigh, why is it taking so long, are you cooking it? there was a lot of smirking. 

i was behind our elder friend at checkout. watching the assistant being frustrated, looking around for help, answering questions over and over, her face showing frustration over and over. even when this elder expressed how hard this is to do……more behind the scene smirks.

i was called to the next aisle. the young man (20s) waiting on me, made a head nod to the elder behind him and said, i am sorry for all the confusion over there. i stopped and looked directly at him, another woman in her 60’s behind me…..there is no need to apologize for anything, we are each aging, even you. one day this may be you, needing assistance with your shopping – there is nothing to apologize for. your store is showing her a kindness.

can you hear the silence?

can you hear the lady behind me give me a look of surprised thankfulness?

yes, it does take an enormous amount of patience to assist some elders – but this elder was actually very nice, accepting of the help, very appreciative. her concerns were waiting longer than needed; of course, her legs are probably exhausted. her concerns were how much does the roasted chicken weigh;  she is probably alone and does not want to waste food.

to think of others circumstances lends us to compassion, kindness & tolerance. aging is a real thing. even with how healthy i am and the strong, active life i have led; at 62 i am ‘feeling’ the aging thing.  movement is slower. i remind myself, my soul is ageless, but my (beautiful ,strong, amazing) body truly is temporary. it may take 2 days to mow the lawn, rather than all in one. (BIG lawn!) as i said to my acupuncturist yesterday, who is treating me for an ‘aging thing’……aging takes time. life catches up with you. there are more ‘things’ i have to do in order to continue to age well – whether my Nettie pot daily use, being sure to floss thoroughly every single day, wearing the right shoes or stretching much more often than ever before and even more important; being okay with this– respecting my body, going with what is, accepting change.  for me personally, the most important is to continue to live from my holistic, faith based perceptions. it truly is what has always been my intention – to walk my talk, live what i teach. i have felt the fears come up, a reaction here and there of what ‘may be’ when a joint is not as graceful as it use to be; it lasts a moment or a day; and then i surround myself with like minded practitioners (who empower and do not place words of fear in my mind) – and all is well.

be patient, its good for you.

be kind, its good for you.

stop pushing against anything, whether it be your own process or another persons. we are all in this together. 

Deborah Evans Hogan

falling into love…….

so, i just fell into love. it is such an enormously rich and fulfilling experience. when this happens, it fills up every cell of me and a roof top is too low to shout it from. this love, this interior activation of the Divine essence is so incredible, i whine like a new born to share it with you.

Who knew. On FB this morning, after i had sat with all my closest buddies;

Yogananada, Prayer at Dawn by Paramahansa Yogananda Jesus, all the Masters & Mary;  after i had breathed, stretched, prayed, asked for forgiveness, offered forgiveness, cried, and breathed some more…….i came to tea and FB and a friend had posted a TED talk by Caroline McHugh:

How grateful i am when my heart opens in synergy with another! For me, there is nothing so good – that moment of succinctness one feels, that undeniable alignment, that expression of interior wholeness; i call it LOVE., wowza! – SO GOOD! (how great thou art comes to mind.)

For a mere 26 minutes of listening and witnessing, my life has changed. My heart feels alive. i shifted. That is what LOVE does; it changes us forever. The golden nugget for me, that i take away from her talk is: “Your life has to be your message, otherwise, why are you here?

i have never met anyone who does not feel ‘unique, different, not like the others’. We seem to always be making excuses for who we are – rather than living who we are in such a way that we shine. Take that uniqueness, that outside whatever box we seem to have made in order to weigh, judge and set ourselves against the others……….and BE IT!!

For more information regarding Caroline and her work:

shared with love, Deborah



practicing Faith

Many, many years ago in a land far away i was asked ,”Deborah, why do you get answers when you ask God for help, and i don’t?”

i heard their yearning, doubt, challenge and frustration.

“Because i expect to.”

Silence. Quizzical face.

“Oh……” they turned and walked away.

In the youth of my ministry, little did i know yet how truthful, raw and gut wrenching a response that was. To me it was simple. Ask, and receive. Now i realize asking in purity of faith (like a child) is a practice – a daily practice to allow our ego minds to not shed darkness on the openness of ones heart.

Expectation is an enormous word. It carries  a vibration and energy of deep faith in whatever you are expecting. At the time of this conversation, i was introducing souls to the teachings of Science of Mind, founded by Dr. Ernest Holmes.

“faith in God through intuition: An unreasoned but not necessarily unreasonable conviction that there is a Supreme Intelligence responding to us; an unquestioning reliance upon good. The deep conviction that there is a Power and a Presence which not only can, but will, respond to us.” – Dr. Holmes

Catch the word ‘un-reasoned’. Our left brains want logic, and my friends, God is the most logical, yet faith is the most illogical action we have. To believe there is a supreme intelligence, and man has done all it can to force others to believe in this – offers us something which many see as substantial, the final word and judgement – BUT, to know  It in our lives, we must depend on a non physical thing called prayer and TRUST when our gut, or the still small voice, speaks.

Yeah,  right.

But, i promise you; yes, this is right. With all that i have i promise you, that when one offers themselves to God in a place of pure humbleness, openness and love; any door will open. And yes, it is a practice.

Daily, i turn to this Divine Intelligence for support. Daily i listen and TRY to hear my intuition, my gut about ANYTHING…and daily, i follow that. I believe God answers me from that still quiet place within – and sometimes from a louder place, like that voice that says; no, do not do that, no, do not do that, no do not do that…OR the other voice that says …you HAVE to say that, you HAVE to say that….one way i have practiced through the years is grocery shopping. it started many years go, when i would be shopping with my very linear well thought out list in hand, and would walk by something and i heard, buy that. or i would get a feeling…buy that. BUT – it was not on the list! and when i would not, of course a NEED for that particular something came up and if only i had trusted, not questioned, just did it! Sounds silly to you, for me to use grocery shopping with building FAITH in God?  Why? Do you think this is about groceries? or FAITH – and God will do whatever it takes, however YOU will receive, in order to support you to create spaces of FAITH in the grand architecture of the Divine within you . A small exercise, like learning the piano scales in order to play a sonata, is an excellent builder of trusting ones intuition. There is no size to a miracle.

shared with Love, Deborah


If you would like to read more about Science of Mind:


part II – too many hats, or not?

okay, your comments change everything. so many souls privately responded to me about this blog. it feels the same as a painting, a piece of art; the minute you look at it, it changes. same with a simple ‘ole blog post! (meant to be light and a bit funny, but then that was just MY perspective.)

people who know me ‘chuckled’ through it – others wanted to know what this had to do with God – others shared their own ideas about doing too much. all the comments and sharing gave it more momentum, made it more thought provoking – thank you. a collaboration.

i believe we wear many hats for any number of reasons from craving outside validation to an empty heart needing filling, to no one else will, so i do – to not having healthy boundaries, to just plain having many interests with no dysfunction in sight. i also came to realize through this deeper contemplation, i do not give myself enough credit for handling much of this with Grace – but there is where my faith in God resides. God supports me to accomplish whatever it is which needs doing. I can feel Gods hand in absolutely everything i do, (if not, i do not do it). I am constantly and consistently aware of The Higher Power guiding me – yes, i have many labels, but for me, they all fall under one umbrella; a women of faith. hence, why i wait for the calling, why i do not keep a day planner; (except for clients and vacations) i leave room for Holy Spirit to have Its way with me!

just think, if you fill up your every moment, where else can God come in but with a spiritual 2 x4 which very often is VERY uncomfortable.

so, i have many options for today – and other than writing this, my morning prayer time and having tea, i have no idea how the day will look. BUT, because God is fully in charge of my schedule, because my hands and heart are fully open, ready to receive…I KNOW it will be fulfilling, perfect and just right.


at what point are there too many hats?

I just realized this morning i wear many hats. (those who know me, stop laughing.) Yes in- deedy – how to wear them all in one day? do i have responsibility ADD? is it simply my creative genius, (with a very sarcastic node, please.) ? or am i truly nuts?

ok, more to ponder – but when ?

i often think of Joyce Carol Oates, – her passion for passion, for love, for education, for her prolific career of writing – cannot be put into words.  I once read that she wrote a play in a car from the airport to her home.

it takes drive. i have often doubted that i have that. i did once, but i think that hat is gone. whether it is an ascension symptom, my maturing-well-used mind changing, or, perhaps i am on the cusp of greatness ! – (more self deprecation and sarcasm) – it is clear, a sense of drive, or need, or urgency, or desire, or whatever – is no longer part of my path.

i prefer to let things come to me. even with all my many hats filled with responsibility and creative loving, joy-filled, passion; scheduling is not part of any plan right now. i do it when it calls, i go to it when i feel it. and only then. this pulling back to observe has certainly helped me see all the HATS!!!

my dear husband wants to know why i do not schedule things in my day planner. my brother wants to know why i do not know whether i am going to something in July yet or not – i try to explain to (my) loving left brained souls; i will know when i know, perhaps the morning of. usually the morning of. yes, the morning of. (yes, i do commit to vacation time.)

woman, wife, keeper of the hearth – i like an orderly home, i prefer clean when i am so moved, i keep our yard (2 acres), gardens, (weeding, watering, planting)  i mow (not sit down. close to 1.5 acres), i do the housekeeping, laundry, etc. if something needs fixing i do it or make a phone call. i paint chairs, rooms and fix toilets. i cook now and then…use to be more...i have let that need go, my husbands easy going-ness helps!  i have house plants, lots of flowers. i am the mother of an adult son who is accomplished and on his own, but still; my baby. * i am a minister. i take calls, pray with others, conduct ritual, have a private counseling practice.  * i teach Energy Medicine. * i write 3 different FB pages.(me in general, me the artist, me the minister) * i am an artist. i paint, i write, i draw. i have a self printed book i market, a line of cards and when enough paintings, i love to show & sell! * i LOVE writing, sharing thoughts, ideas. i have had a local play produced…..boxes are filled with plays, manuscripts, scenes… i still prefer writing hand written snail mail letters and notes. * i am a member of family, getting older, have considerations. * i value and need my quiet time; for prayer, meditation, solace, study. * and my husband would say i spend much time THINKING, the gears are always moving. (oh, and a blog i would LOVE to see go further along the venue of life.)

at 62 i have found myself attempting to put even more order to our home than there was. every single packed away box is being looked at and given to others OR put out in our home for use. NO MORE STORAGE! No more winter/summer clothes; it is all just OUT! i love accessibility and convenience.

back to my hats. since i have to have order, much needs to be in place before i will even ALLOW myself to begin a painting. i feel like a serial  monogamist – once i begin whatever it is, you have ALL of me; but then, on to the next one.

it is not an easy self awareness to see all of what we do. i believe that any one of my interests could be a sole interest and fill up quite a beautiful life; but this creative ADD twerks me around from answering the phone in prayer, to doing laundry, to teaching a class, to seeing a client….to walking by an empty easel.

well, there are my thoughts today – shared with love, passion and self deprecation, Deborah


First blog post

FAITH chips away at our ego until all that is left is the LIGHT.

(if you have not read the ABOUT section, i think that would be helpful for anyone coming across this blog. TY.)

it seems that every single day i have several topics of deep, spiritually based conversations cross my path. it only takes one person to make one comment and my Holy Spirit radar flies wide open and all i want to do is love them free from their discomfort – by supporting them to SEE it differently, what ever IT is. i would sit with a stranger on the street, if they invited me to have deep meaningful conversation – let’s go swim at the deep end of the pool, you and i – and see what goodies we can unearth!

i get excited just thinking about deep conversation – the shallow stuff, stay at the other end. i have no interest in what you ate or where you vacationed or what your birthday cake looks like. i know, brash – but i just do not have that gene. glad you had a good time…but my interest stops there.

this morning i got really excited when a client mentioned the word STRUGGLE to me. it came through as part of a response to me, stating she had observed i had struggled lately. my brash-ometer reached high levels as i kindly asked her to not project onto my life from her own experiences & perceptions, that i had never mentioned the word struggle and please and thank you. she got it. but the juicy-ness had been set and i want to talk about this word.

struggle brings to mind a person in a pit, scraping their nails against the dirt, rock and cement walls, trying to reach the top to get out…hands bleeding, exhausted, weary. i understand people struggle, i am an empath and too often can be aware of all the pains in the world. but, in a one on one with a student or client; i will ask you to look at the energy of the word and be open to change it; for naming anyone else or yourself, to be in a struggle does no help at all. by using this word, it holds yourself or others in the dance of going ‘against’ something. a struggle can only be taking place when one is fighting something, attached to the energy of a situation. in this attachment, we actually give the stated ‘opponent’ more energy, by feeding into its ego driven toxicity.

step back. step away. this idea of what you see as a struggle may be a clearing – a clearing of great depth. it may be anger rising from the interior to be expressed and let go of. whatever it is, it can be loved and that is really all anything wants. you can express caring without expressing struggle.

my client/student also said growth was hard work. okay, yes, but it is SO worth the digging, the excavating and the loving. hard work is not a ‘bad’ thing. i hear so often from clients; “but it’s hard”; as if the idea is a get out of jail free card and i should suggest another, EASIER  answer!  i love you too much to suggest anything but the truth!

all of this hard work is God chipping away at our ego – and if one would just let it happen, listen to ones heart and trust; there would be no ‘struggle’.

Thank you for sharing-