Being Happy

A person I care deeply for wrote to me yesterday, ‘I just want to be happy’. I awoke with their words in my head and on my heart. Why has happy been so difficult for them to experience? They chase and chase and chase, this and that. And, when the this or that fails, so do they.

What is it, the elusive IT, that ‘makes’ us feel happiness?

How can this chase for happy be put into as few as words as possible? What it comes down to, is – it is all an inside job. (a tired, old true statement…) In all my plus 60 years on this planet as well as over 30 years of offering spiritual counsel to & with others; no one finds happiness looking outside themselves. Happy is NOT in the relationship that never was. Happy is NOT in the job you lost, or the house someone else bought, or the whatever it is you do not have that makes you angry, sad or feel less than when you think about it. Happy does not depend on another person’s validation of you, or how they receive or do not receive what you offer.

I want to simply say; be grateful. Find anything to be grateful for in your life, and sit with that. Be with it. Talk out loud about it. Write about it. Seek gratitude. Find anything to FEEL gratitude for, and the happy cells get ignited with you. Look at, think about, anything right now in your life you are thankful for; anything.

The happy feeling is all up to ourselves. Are you willing to be happy? Happy is our own responsibility – and as long as we believe it depends on ANYTHING outside of us, we will be sad seeking it. One moment we will feel it when others do as we want, and the next moment we will not because they failed our expectations of them.

The human mind/ego gets stuck on buying things, seeking something, gaining ownership of things, looking for this happy button in a relationship, new job, better shiny things; all outside of oneself and fleeting. Gratitude fills the heart, is a FEELING with ourselves. It is NOT a thing.

Gratitude changes everything in our lives. Gratitude for the tiniest item, for the most mundane thing, or even for the most massive thing !! – BUT the KEY is feeling GRATITUDE, being thankful. AND TO FOCUS ON THAT. People are unhappy when they are focusing on what they do not have, what is gone, what was, what left them, what went wrong, what another person said, did or thinks.

As we find anything at all to feel gratitude for, we feel better and universal law will bring more of that good feeling to us.

What can you feel gratitude for right now? What can you be grateful for?

The human ego/mind plays the woe is me tape, like a broken record vinyl record that goes around and around. Only you can stop that. It takes practice. AND it is possible. AND this DOES work. It does not matter what it is; a pair of shoes, a clean room, a piece of art, a song, ones faith, the laughter you had with a friend, your pet, the gratitude you feel for your new job (but not the job itself, the gratitude you FEEL)……… just find anything at all in your life to feel grateful for and focus on that.

STOP: Complaining, whining, wanting, needing.

Focus. What are you focusing on? What you focus on is how you feel. Are you focusing on gratitude about anything at all? If not, you may want to try it.

Gratitude is a miracle drug.

with great love & apprection for meeting me here,


Do You Like Yourself?

If you have read any self help, New Age or Spiritually focused book you know that since the path is inward, it is all about knowing oneself, then acceptance of ourselves certainly becomes the daily quest. As we begin to listen to our thoughts, discover what we truly are thinking about this or that, sit with how we are personally re-acting to life – we see ourselves in close up shots! Not always pretty – and then we dive deeper to know how we did such a thing, why we did that, what motivated us to go there.

I have been on a conscious ‘spiritual’/waking up path since my early 20’s. That is over 40 years. I know now, it has always been about me accepting me. Me wanting to like myself, to feel good about how I was showing up in any experience. It is quite amazing how that can become the focus. We may enter this path to find peace in life, to quell other voices, to ‘help others’, but it all comes down to self acceptance. We may enter it to find God, to manifest, to seek abundance, to even simply learn to meditate….but, it all turns out to be about how we can let go of what anybody else is doing, saying or showing up – and learn to be someone we can truly ‘like’. We stop blaming anyone anything. Astounding! One stops criticizing, stops seeking, stops attaching at all. Being with ones-self, truly being present to our own hidden motivations, hearing our words, tones, thoughts…being able to actually feel good about who and how we are in this world, in our daily life – yes, this is inward.

An emptiness is revealed. There is only peace. I have a theory that we avoid this place – we know the ego does – this space can feel lonely in this world that runs on validation. Who are we when we fall away from the world? How do we define ourselves when we stop comparing ourselves?

I think there are few who would not agree that the United States, where I live, is a bit much these days. Politics, social media, all it feeling like an ego focused illness. Now, the pandemic has made our worlds very small. We no longer gather. We no longer can see ourselves interacting. We no longer can be distracted. My world has been made extremely small. It has been an adjustment, I admit. Yet, in all of this, when all else falls away, what is left? Me. Just me.

When all the labels are gone, all the judgements, all comparisons who are we? When we untangle from ourselves, what is left?

The journey is known as an inner journey, an inner awakening to know God. Okay, I am awake, now what? Like myself. Perhaps this IS what is on the other side, the way through we talk about, to the end goal – to like who we are be-ing. Can we possibly really like how we be, how we treat ourselves when no one else is around? And once we do, then what?

Okay, enough ramblings. Should be enough to get some inner revelations flowing. Thank you for joining me here.

seek love, Deborah

surprise help.

So, this morning I googled myself. Not a usual thing for me. Not sure if I ever have before. But, what I found was fun – the above link to my former blog. Surpise! (Lots more reading opportunities.)

Here is an excerpt from one of the posts. These words were given me from Spirit after I asked for help with an issue in 2014. It is the same help I was wanting this week. When I offer all I have and a client consistently continues to rally verbally for their lack awareness and insists on seeing things only their way, I have pangs that I have not done enough. I feel I have failed God. It is a miserable feeling. Yet, I am asking them to own their own feelings & emotions and not blame others for them, as God directs me to own my own too. Mirror, mirror.

from Spirit:

“”1. Do not feel guilt, shame or judgement about your feelings. They are just your feelings. Its okay, they are just what you feel. That’s it, they are for you, not for them. And their feelings are for them, not for you. You don’t have to do anything with their feelings and they are not responsible for doing anything with or for yours.

2. Do not blame anyone else for your feelings. No other person, nor their actions or responses, or non responses are responsible for your feelings.

3. Own your feelings. Stand with them. No shame, no judgement. They are simply what you feel. Its okay. There is no right or wrong, remember?  Share if the relationship requires it, or if you so want to; but share in standing with them as your own, without expectations the other person will change to make you feel better.””

Still wise words. Always wise words.

Shared with love,


Behaving vs. Believing

I wonder, is the path of spirituality less about what one believes, and more about how one behaves?

Dogma based religion is about what one believes, who one believes in, how to believe, worship, and often, many rules. Too often religious based options make/teach the human to be a victim in life without choice… as in; unless you do this or that. In this I ponder; where is personal integrity as simply a kind human being which affects how one choose to act? How we choose to be? How we choose to show up in our lives?

Caring about our own behavior – is this not the key to peace? To joy? To commitment? To tolerance? To communication? To relationships? To all the good that is here for us to responsibly & consciously CHOOSE?

The options that spirituality offer us are inward, not external. The paths are for us to KNOW ourselves better, to take responsibility for how we show up in the world, in this day, in this experience. The path is one that builds us up as child of God, the Universe, or even starlight – the what, or the label we prefer is not as important as how we apply the teachings and insight we gain in order to help create more good, more love, more peace in our world. In other words, how we behave.

If you know me, you know I am a woman of tremendous faith in God. I am an ordained interfaith minister, brought up in a conservative protestant household. In my heart & mind, I know Jesus. My faith lights my path – no doubts at all in a Higher Power of Creation. AND, I take full responsibility how I apply this in my everyday life through my behavior.

As I consider my belief in Karma, my knowing of Universal Law, my deep intuitive knowing & realizations of my own expression, which I would never have spent time with had it not been my calling to what is labeled spirituality – I easily see the strength, courage and resilience that taking responsibility for my words, tones, actions, thinking & beliefs make up each moment of my BEHAVIOR – and for this, I remain, eternally grateful.

Thank you for joining me here.

with great love, Deborah

let’s bring KINDNESS back………..

Kindness is my theme today. Should be my theme every single day, yet too often, like the rest of us, I let others’ experiences wrap fear around my heart and compassion cannot finds it way through.

Whenever I am in the midst of an unkindness, I feel sick. I am an empath, I do not feel anger, but my cells respond with being sick, as if they were fed something absolute distasteful. I toss and turn and am sleepless no matter my level of exhaustion. I wrestle with a lack of kindness one can show another being. Especially when it is through one who (supposedly) loves me. It is too often that kindness can be shown to a stranger easier than a relative. After I sit with it all, I realize their own wounds are blocking them, and I get it intellectually – but I still hurt, still feel sick, still ache. Somehow it all has to process through my cells, through all my layers, till I reach myself again and can detach from their lashing.

These days in my life, due to years and years of spiritual awakening, personal work, deep diving – experiences like this are rare, and therefore totally unexpected. Yesterday I experienced two of them. Double header! Oh goodie.

I laid awake asking myself, how did I bring these to me? What beliefs are behind them, promoting these actions? I know we can only bring to us what we believe – how did I manage to bring these experiences to me? Everything is a mirror. Two separate people. Two totally separate experiences. Two lashing outs. Both felt extreme. What is my role? How can I shift my perception in order to change this? Or can I?

Detachment. It is not that easy. Detachment means no blame. Where does the fine line of responsibility lay? Can we see responsibility without the bitterness of blame? One episode was on Facebook. In truth I clearly expected it. It was repeat of years gone by and I made a choice to post something anyway, something that I knew (and so it was) was going to be controversial. I take responsibility for this. And I chose to delete the person’s harsh & unkind comment. Done. My page, my choices. Still, harshness goes deep. I will get over it.

I think about how the other day I too had reached my point of impasse with a person due to their actions. I too lashed out. So, so, so rare for me, but I blew up like a hot air balloon. This weeks energies have been palpably pushing us indeed! I don’t blame them. I am solely responsible for my actions, for my words. I hold myself fully accountable for these – and therefore I also hold others. I am not one to glaze over anything. So, the fine line here is; being okay with not being okay with another person words or actions. We do not have to be okay with theirs, but we must be okay with our own.

Can we practice extending kindness to ourselves as well others? Perhaps this is a key. I will be kind to myself and step aside. I will be kind to myself and give myself time to process. I will be kind to myself and detach from the harshness, yet, when an opportunity arises, can still share my thoughts.

Kindness really is a balm for the soul. Just saying the word brings a healing light to our cells. Kindness is generous. Kindness.

Image may contain: text that says 'KINDNESS: Active expression of the heart, no matter how great or how small, of our joint humanity & Divinity through caring & compassion. V WWW.DEBORAHEAVNSHOGAN.ORG .DEBORAHEAVNS MINISTRY'

Thank you for meeting me here.

with great love,


Let the Vacancies Be Filled!

I remember a time when I did not have faith in a Power Greater than I. I remember a time when the idea of depending on something that I could not see was neither a blimp on the screen nor a heard of option. I remember a time when I worked very, very hard to force something to happen and for an instant I was proud of myself; only to see it fail. I remember a time when the words God, Holy Spirit, Creator, Jesus, Divine Intelligence, Universal Presence; were not part of my vocabulary. Now, my life is very, very different, for it is all I know, all I rely on, all I trust, all that fills what was once a vacancy in my mind and heart.

As I typed the above paragraph I repeatedly heard the word ‘swimmingly’. Such a lovely, flowing, free, graceful vision, this term – to feel the freedom of going with the waters, rather than fighting upstream in going against.

The energetic shifts we are in have caused me to make many moves in our home. Moving of rooms, furniture, placement, new items, etc. Always, as I shift, my surroundings do. Doesn’t that make logical sense? For me, this particular shift began early 2020, with direct guidance to buy new bedding, shift colors, change knobs on bureaus. In August as my personal ascension growth took momentum, it was to change my office, (which I am now naming Deborah’s Universe), create an office for my husband, (which took his desk, his work files and guitars out of our spacious living room and into a private room) which caused the major shifting of a total of five rooms. Even though it was physically a workout, it happened swimmingly. And I do believe, for now, as of this morning, when I shifted my new healing space for the FOURTH time in as many weeks in ways I never saw were possible for in the past six years – I am complete. Or I will be by tomorrow when I have all my art supplies, paints, easel out of closets and storgae in place!

Understand, we moved to this house 6 and a half years ago and I had not yet, till now, seen how I could possibly make space for ALL my passions. We moved from a 5200 sq. foot home to 1800 sq. ft. I love caring for our home, I love being a minister, I love working with clients, I love painting, I love writing and my book is in the birth canal. Well, we know we are each a work in process. Each step we take, brings the puzzle of who we are together more and more, each decision unlocks another block, opens a new pathway in order for us to see with greater clarity. Every step we take is important. None more vital than than another.

Seeing space (OR ANYTHING!) created when one does not think there is even the possibility of is only done through faith. I always believe there is a solution. I may not be able to see it, but when I give it to God, God always comes through for me. Spirit always fills my vacancy. This past weekend I was guided to complete my new office/meditation/client/healing space to also fit my art (those who know this room are gapping their mouth’s open right now thinking how the heck??) – and I was, I AM amazed at the vison I was given! But, also, another moving around of furniture was not on my joy list, as these new energies are walloping many, including myself, so I asked to wait. I needed rest. This morning was it! When we do not force, and allow for alignment, all goes, swimmingly!

In my upcoming book I speak often of vacancy as being a calling for God. An opening, that only can be filled through ones willingness to surrender to the Power Greater than I. IT WORKS!!!

with great love,

Rev. Deb

Expiration Date

If you have ever attended one of my groups, there is a good chance you know what this blog is about, if not, SURPRISE!

I am going to talk about death, or rather, the truth that it does not exist. Yes, our bodies do die, they have an expiration date – but, the True Identity of who we are does not. We live on, exist on in another realm. Due to my lifelong experiences of helping others to transition, soul to soul communicating and mediumship, this is my belief. I also do not use the term death, I call it transitioning. The True Identity leaves the body.

Flowers die, go to rest, at the end of summer, they come back the following year…, not annuals – but think of yourself like a perennial.

This is SO important to grasp my friends. If not, one lives in fear – fear of this or that – fear of dying – fear of trying new things – fear of eating the right food…..the list is as long as there are people. If you live like this, chances are you are not living either…or rather you live each day in some fear that something, anything, a person, a flu, something is going to kill you, yes, take your life. You are living in grief for those who have ‘died’ before you. Or, as many say, who “LEFT me”. You cry each time you think of them, rather than celebrate them. AND more importantly, rather than feel them around you, possibly see them, commune with them – many wallow in their absence.

Yes, this is a HUGE subject. AND you have my promise, that when one stops fearing death and believing in eternal life, the fear and sadness that is lifted cannot be described!

In my not yet published book I have one chapter titled; “Let Me Know You’ve Landed.” In this chapter I share stories of how Beloveds have let me know they have fully crossed between the veils and are ‘home’. My hope is in sharing these stories, others may soften to believe differently, and experience more ease, love and grace in their lives. Here is just one short story:

  “After several months of weekly visits to Nina’s home, it was time for her to transition. Sitting with her in hospice, planning her life celebration, I had the opportunity to ask her; please, let me know you have landed.  

       Driving to her memorial service, which I was officiating, I asked once again; please, Nina, give me that sign, let me know you are home. Within a half mile I had to stop for a gaggle of ducks, they were crossing the road coming from my right. I thought, I have driven this road hundreds of times, and have never seen ducks on it, a long way from water crossed my mind. Then, I looked up to my left, watching them clear the road and I saw it. The road sign at the intersection said; Nina Drive.  I could not count the times I had gone by this intersection and never had I ever noticed that well-worn street sign, ever.”

When we believe in death as a forever act,  it is deeply traumatic, painful and difficult because it is not true.  Anytime we believe in or act out or speak against Universal law, it does not feel good. Our bodies, each one of ours, have an expiration date. BUT, we thrive on. It really, really helps to make friends with his fact, so you can begin to live freely.

with great love, Deborah

Heart Hunger

I awoke at midnight and just had to get up. The thoughts of how we simply need to reach out to one another, for that connection we hunger for was stirring. I came into my sacred/quiet/office/space, in my groggy sleepy state, I checked my phone and had a message from a client – she is a photographer and from a group she is in, she shared with me three incredible photos she thought I would appreciate. She just knew I would love them. Let me tell you they are wow! Beyond orbs! But the take away is my heart opened because another person had thought of me and reached out. This has been a theme these past few days – the necessary heart connection we all NEED.

Then I opened FB to take a peak and the post was of my step sisters first great-grandchild had come home to visit with her clan (from Alaska to Cape Cod) so an amazing baby new soul with photos of her being adored by relatives, being welcomed, and her soaking up the love and spreading pure joy. How perfect as I awoke pondering this human connection ‘need’.

I wish we all realized how precious this human connection need is. It is a radical calling from our hearts I am labeling heart hunger. I am not speaking about love of the human form, but the caring of ‘inclusion’.

an invitation. a door held open. a smile. a hello. a sharing of food. an extension of patience. a card in the mail. a random phone call. leaving a voice message. sending a text. offer a cup of tea. simply sit with another. random assistance to a stranger. checking in on neighbors. how can we make another person feel cared for, thought of, remembered?

The other day I heard a story of a fourth grade boy who was helping his neighbor feel comfortable on the her first day of a new school, wanting to be sure she was ‘comforted and cared about’. Oh, my heart.

Caring is an underrated word. We use it too much, yet, the true vibration of it is under valued. Authentic caring. It stirs our hearts and brings tears to our eyes and tenderness to our existence.

To care is NOT about fixing anything. It is not about the ‘carer’ doing a good deed, but about the vibration of caring which is exchanged in kindness.

What can we each do to express more caring? It is the stories of caring that get us, every time. The caring of an animal, the caring for others, our love of the caregivers.

The energy of caring – the unselfish, authentic, simple acts of caring – what can we say it is ? – loving put into action? The tucking in of our broken pieces, of the rough edges, of the aches, wounds, emptiness…..I see this, let me care about you, not because I know you even, but simply because caring for another is a most natural act of our souls. Our souls know what it is to care. Not care with an agenda – not care because it is our obligation, or job, or even calling, not caring out of worry or concern – the simplest act of caring for another human no matter how slight, small or insignificant we may think, is a calling of our souls. Caring is how our soul speaks – and it is in very, very simple, small acts which in the radiance of the unselfish motivation itself, magnifies love in the purist sense possible.

How can you care today? Hearts are hungry, feed them – with authentic, unsolicited, radical giving of your soul through a simple, simple act.

with great love,


The Tender Spots

Sometimes it is simply hard to know what to do with the tender spots. You know, those places that are not ours to resolve, yet by the way of being human we still are entangled in their existence? All those human places of sadness, depression, pain, the emotional warehouses of our hearts, that are not quite up to what we want them to be?

They are two different levels of sad, aren’t they? One’s personal stories that ramble through our minds and hearts, mostly upspoken because to share them seems an astronomical task, we can barely put words to them our selves. Then there are the helpless ones, the ones that are not ours personally, but as an effect of our love and caring of another human or even of the world, causes us to loose sleep, lie awake through the night with thoughts of what can we possibly do to help?

We all have them, these tender spots. Everyone. When we are in the midst of them, we can feel like this is the furthest from the truth, that no one else has ever felt this way, or no one else can possible know, or how could anyone else even want to listen to this? Something about the human ego likes to quarantine us off from the rest of the world in dire self importance during these moments, as an island of unique individualism, when the entire time, we are simply being human.

“Humaning” should be a verb. Use in a sentence, “No, I cannot come out and play today because I am humaning. And we feel, instantly, our hearts open for another, for we know, in that mono second of a vulnerability, what they mean; we get it. BEACAUSE, not one person alive has not felt a sense of some level of desperation.

Social media, like all of life, has its blessings and lack of. But, when I awake, as I did this morning, to photos of an old acquaintance whose husband died the week she became pregnant, with their son, and he is now entering college this week and the pride and love of them in the photo is radiant with joy I am tenderly reminded; we not only human, we rebound, we get through, we change, we grow, we heal, we love.

No need to human alone. Reach out to a friend, family member, mental health professional, clergy, or even a depression hotline number. Social media can only take us so far, another human can takes us further.

It is vital that we keep reminding ourselves through personal, community or world wide tender spots; that change happens. That we spend our lives “humaning”, and being here for one another is key. We don’t have to know the answer or even have suggestions of what to do or how to go about making anything better – but just being there – either in person, via social media, phone calls, letters, emails; just be present for one another in anyway that is possible. Toss out lifelines.

Due to this pandemic, many have learned the value of our selves as humans. The value of a hello, or a smile in store, or a birthday greeting via Face Book. The value of any recognition of our connection as humans, as souls, as people. It feels to me that we are desperately hungry for this. You remember spontaneity? That thing we do when we don’t have to worry or wonder or ask if something is safe? Social media has given us a place for spontaneity – not always used wisely, but just the same, a place for it.

So today, do not sit alone with your tender spot, share it somehow, find an open heart, and speak. Sharing always lightens the load.

with great love,


The relapse and overdose rate has increased by 30% since March 2020. Mental health issues related to our lock down and the pandemic are especially hard for people with depression. NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Health has a 24-hour helpline: 800-950-6264.

Do It for Love.

On August 1st I began my Sabbatical. Today is my fourth day of 37 when I will then sit and see where God guides me to be. In preparing to take this time, I shared with my Beloveds that finishing my book, taking rest, and simply being away from daily tasks felt important, and called me. For thirty years I have awaken (mostly) each day ( very early in morning or mid night time) and gone about, in any number of ways, reaching out to and for others. This included meditation & prayer time, journaling, distant healing work, praying for others, answering emails, texts, and messages, posting on multiple Facebook pages; then prepping for my day of clients. There was a time when it was church ministry that called me, hospice work, nursing home visits, all clergy duties. In between all this, I attempted and still do, to take care of a home, run errands, cook, be a wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend… know, be a human.

Well, as I said, its the fourth day of no routine and I feel like its been a year. At some point, perhaps one who is in a career which can be categorized as serving others, we must get real and ask; am I doing this for me? (And since we are ONE, does it matter?) It can get confusing. How can I help the world? How can I make an impact on humanity, on people? What do we want to be when we grow up?

I feel we do it all for love, or we should do it for love or at the very most, it makes a huge difference in our lives and the lives of others when we do it for love. Or perhaps it is a choice – we do our work for love and in that way it consumes us – or we do work for work/job sake – and then have hobbies to bring us joy. I have quickly realized, I do not do my work, healing, ministerial or otherwise for any other reason; but LOVE. I feel love when I work. I do not even like to call it work. Like making art, how I show up in the world brings me immense, deep joy and each day I am grateful for this. It literally feeds my soul, and in that, I am very selfish. I selfishly only want to do, every single day, what makes my heart sing. I am so grateful to interact with other souls every single day I am alive. Weather it is talking, praying, communing, simply being with – contact of the souls…soul contact. Perhaps this IS what it is – consciously or unconsciously we are crying out for soul contact and are drawn to careers that bring it to us.

Living a life for love is fulfilling. It has nothing at all to do with making money, at least for me, so far – a part of me wishes I was that person, that person who decided what to ‘be’ based on how much they would be paid. I know people who do that, it feels natural to them. I come from a family of what one may call very stable wage earners. I am the daughter of a banker – and I learned from the moment I was conceived, how to put monetary value on anything. Obviously, materialism did not stick.

My last client I saw before I began my sabbatical was concerned about security. They spoke of it in the context of staying in a job they were not totally happy with, for the sake of security. I realize, that doing things for love, IS my security. I truly expect my life is to be joy-filled. Such a concept.

My husband says I am much more of an artist than I give myself credit for. He sees my entire world as my canvas. It is true – be it our home, our yard, setting a piece of furniture just so, or painting, writing, preparing anything – he sees me creating; I see me doing everything; for love. Guru, artist, woman? Perhaps it is time for a self portrait. Now that could be very revealing.

This realization that what ever I do, I do for love is powerful. I am sixty-six years of age and on the fourth day of my first sabbatical in near 30 years I have reached this place of seeing that love is my motivator. This is not about needing love from others, this is about the feeling I get when I write, or speak or be with others – or do anything at all in my life, even clean the house – if I cannot do it with love, I do not do it at all. It is not that I will not do it, it is that I can’t. Literally.

This feels pretty big for four days. Can I go back to work now?

Of course the answer is no. I shared in my final FB post on July 31st that I wanted to know who I was way from the daily routine, from my Beloveds. So, here is to 33 more days.

with great love,

Rev. Deborah Evans Hogan