What Came Before Us……..

This past week I have had John the Baptist on my mind. Every so often he drops in and nudges me, reminding me that all that came before THIS moment, helped to create, this moment. Why JB? Because he prepared the way for Jesus, he too was a Jewish prophet, one who baptized Jesus as the Holy Spirit Dove was seen taking flight. JB is said to be between 6 – 8 months older than Jesus. He was a cousin of Jesus whose mother Elizabeth was visited by the angel first, before the angel visited Mary. To put it simply, JB had many firsts before Jesus had the same or similar experiences. Too often we fail to remember this enormous truth of all that came before us, is in the present now, or possibly even understand it enough to sit in the wonder of this knowing. Too often we only celebrate the moment, rather than also to acknowledge all that got us here.

I here it often from people, they may be giving full credit to meeting just the right teacher, or finding just the right practitioner, or medical professional, or spouse, or job, or career, or whatever it may be; and totally ignore ALL that brought them to it, or them, or him or her. Perhaps the concept of being in the moment has caused us to ignore this idea, of acknowledging or even being aware of the massiveness of the truth; each moment, each step, each person, each experience; are all in this now.

I love contemplating this thought – and being in awe of the web of life that got me to right now. All the yes’s and the no’s. All the moments of trying and feeling like failure when in truth it only brought me closer to now. For me, it is a ritualistic recognition of my life, my path, my moments. It is the essence of; I would not be here if I had not been there. If I had gotten that, I never would have experienced this. If I had not been faithful enough to try that, I never would have met you.

We carry it ALL with us, whether we want to or not. It lightens any load to find a positive spin on whatever it is that is in our memory bank, especially since we are going to lug it around. As minister, whenever a couple comes to me for pre-marriage counseling; if one of them is holding anger, resentment or grudges towards a former spouse; they carry that with them into the new union. So their story is not carried in density or resentment, we work together to turn that story into one of gratitude; for it brought them to this positive relationship.

As a healer and counselor I hear often, you were the one. Yes, it is my purpose to support others; BUT, that moment that the Light of Healing takes place within you is attributed to EVERYONE you have ever gone to, for it happens inside of you, and you are made up of ALL you have been. Yes, I was able to to help bring balance to the forefront, AND that is accomplished with all that you experienced before hand. It is the same when a client may move on from me and finds another minister, teacher or healer and all their lights are lit! It is because of everything you have done before that moment, it is not that all that came before was wrong or did not work for you. Timing? The stars aligned? You were ready? All of it.

It is not ever, just one thing, or one person, or one opportunity.

We truly are part of a whole – and I feel that is magnificent. I love the web of life, and seeing life through these eyes. All you have been, done, and carry with you; is in your now moment.

Blessings of love to you & yours.

Rev Deb

www.deborahevanshogan.org

Being human is not for wimps…

I awoke this morning with two simple realizations of how incredible it is to be here, together, in human form and how every single ‘message’ we get is universal. Let’s begin with being human.

There is no one person who cannot see all that people go through, or have hardships within their family, or have a friend or loved one who has been sick, or has had a broken heart, been fired, had any multiple of challenges in their lives. No one can deny; being human is not for wimps.

As a healer, minister and counselor I have listened to and sat with many during their journey of humanhood. And you know what? ANYONE can see it; in a grocery store line when a parent is tired, or an elder could use help loading packages into their car or a child is sad, or simply in one owns family. In the midst of life, living life, life is all around us.

I have a theory that the souls who come here and have really tough times have the most faith. I imagine a chat with God before we come into form about what we want to learn, what we want to experience in order to feel for another, and that we only sign on for the greater challenges when we have greater faith and knowing that God is always with us. Imagine it comes our time to incarnate, and we say; “Yes, I know You are with me, and I LOVE those moments when I realize You, when I feel that emptiness get filled, when the Divine Spark of Holiness is ignited within me!! I love those moments! And I KNOW that each time we feel them, this helps to ignite an increased awareness of YOU God, of Love, of POSSIBILITIES! Sign me up. I am not afraid. My faith is my life line. I KNOW it is all temporary. I can do this. I KNOW you’ll feed me when I am hungry, and heal me when my body is ill and give me hope when I feel failure. I’m going back!”

Imagine that, that the ones with the greatest challenges have the most faith. They may not realize it yet, but it’s in there.

Now, if we believe, as my circle of beings do, that we ARE ONE – how can ANY message NOT BE Universal? How can if the world is hurting we not hurt? How can we not be exhausted? How can, as many of us believe right now, believe we are going through a massive awakening into what is labeled a higher level of consciousness, how can any message NOT be for the masses?

Every message IS for everyone, and they will receive it at their personal level of perception. And, doesn’t empathy tie us together? Like a beautiful ribbon, our ability to sympathize, to feel for another unites us, as love does, and are they one of the same?

“At any rate, let us love for a while, for a year or so, you and me. That’s a form of divine drunkenness that we can all try. ” F. Scott Fitzgerald.

This is my chosen quote in my college year book. I am so pleased when I read it, and think how much I was not yet aware of, yet something within me knew who I was to become. It doesn’t take much, that is proof of God to me!

Our soul knows. Our heart center knows. All of this and more unites us. There are those who will live their lives trying to avoid it, but unification is at our core. We try so hard to express our individualism, and we do – yet our soul level is where we unite.

All the sayings; do not judge another, walk in another’s shoes, be kind, walk a mile in their shoes…….all these and more promote our unification as humans who each have the ability to love, empathize, and exhibit holy unity as souls who chose to have this earth experience. Every message is universal.

I do not have to know you or like you to love you. We are here together.

Deborah

www.deborahevanshogan.org

Moving Parts

For those who dislike change, consciously or subconsciously, life naturally presents resistance. Not very comfortable.

Personally, I love change. Always have. I have easily lived in many places, many different homes, had different jobs, careers, interests. I do many things, wear many hats. Even as a minister, I am outside the box of anything conformed or ‘in one place’. Yet, as I ‘elder’, (my new verb) I see how change is not always a breeze for me, as it once was. I catch myself, feeling the resistance that lives beneath my surface saying…”no…not that… like this…..this is the way I have always done it….” In that moment the resistance is loud. I do catch it, I talk with it, I question myself. It leaves or I choose the decision for it to stay as I wish, but it is dooly noted.

(The change that bothers me the most is when I LOVE a television show and they go and CHANGE it. Dang. It was SO good the first season…why did you do that?)

In this space of observing my resistance I note how life IS change. I see how all parts are moving, all the time. How the old saying nothing stays the same is innately true. Everything IS life itself in form, and it is always adjusting, contracting, growing, expanding, fitting, becoming. Yes, I do feel Life and God are one of the same. This is a brand new ah-ha for me! (See….change!)

Change is something new, different, not as it once was. Everything is life, and life is affected constantly through ITSELF. EVERYTHING IS A MOVING PART MADE UP OF MOVING PARTS! This year I have not been able to keep up with myself. It has been that, as soon as I make one choice, or move one thing in our home, or make one decision about my ministry; within a week or so it is challenged with a new inner guidance request! Keep up Deborah, keep up!

I feel what was is not wrong. This is important.

Important #1. We do not change because something was bad, or wrong or not good. A catalyst, but not the reason we change. We change and choose because the energies have shifted within ourselves. We may try (and we do) to blame it on another person or a poor choice last week, year or even lifetime! BUT, the way it works is that a change in our energy has taken place which means WE have changed and now we see it this way, not that.

Important #2 – Is to NOT make what WAS wrong.

Years and years ago I moved rooms around in our home and when my brother came over he asked; “why didn’t you get it right the first time?”

It is not easy for a black and white person to see choice or understand an artist eye to evolve. Although I got his question and wondered myself, the prior design was simply as I saw it, now I see it this way. Not a right or wrong, but energy it self that is evolving and causing me to evolve.

I had to go there so I could get here.

Our cells are consistently shedding and changing. This is nature. Nature itself shows us the beauty of change. We ourselves, being Life Itself, are changed each moment, by colors, conversations, words, what we look at, think about, see.

If you are uncomfortable with change, you may want to get friendly with it. Life is much more enjoyable that way.

Thank you for joining me here – I must go catch up with myself!

Deborah

www.deborahevanshogan.org

Inside My Bubble

To me, this photo is exquisite. I took this from our hotel window this past weekend in Maine. Let me share with you how I see it. The sun looks like a cross. I see a trail of Light coming down into it, and then downward, then into the ocean….as it hits the land it turns into facets of gold, look at that, like gold crystals into our room. (enlarge it to see the crystals!) And the incredible orb to the right as the Light hits the land…and an orb, a perfect solid round orb INSIDE an oval energy field. I think this photo is extraordinary. A gift from the Universe, all is well, Christ Consciousness is present.

I introduce this writing with the above recent post from my ministry Fb page because I feel it explains much about me……how I see things. And how I see something is usually very different than the ‘norm’. For me, this is not just a sunrise or a pretty photo of the ocean. It is a gift. It is a reminder of the Divine magic there is here for us…of the beauty, of the love.

At a high school reunion several years ago a classmate shared that she thought I had always been in a bubble. I could not agree more. (Although in truth, this bubble is really our energy field, a grid made up of 144 points of light in which WE are, all our beliefs – and for now, it is, the bubble!)

As I age I realize that I have always been there, always aware of, this bubble, in this cocoon. Always hopeful, faithful and at peace. I have formed few long term relationships. I realize many may feel this is not right, even unhealthy. This does not mean I am not helpful, nor connected with loved ones, but it does mean there is no holding on. Unconditional love & faith offers freedom to choose, not chains that bind. Many people formed lifetime friendships in high school, not me. I recently learned how many deep and abiding friendships were formed at the summer camp I went to; not me. Women on the camp Facebook page are deeply attached to the camp and their years there and the love and memories they have; not me. They are still connected. There is definitely a part of me that can feel a bit of envy for their fondness of their memories, but then I see – I have good memories, I loved the swimming, the pine trees, the all of it too……but in a much ‘lighter’ way. I guess, I know that joy can be felt anywhere, not just at that moment in time. There is so much beauty in the universe, so much love and joy for us to experience, it is never found ONLY in one place.

I have always been on the outside of any circle. I am always at the deep end of the pool. Once a shaman friend and I had a conversation about how in our community I was welcomed everywhere, but belonged no where. This could be explained as only child syndrome, born an independent Aries, and other linear explanations; but I would disagree. I believe it is not only possible, but is the potential of us each to live in each moment fully engaged AND not attached.

My life has not been ‘all roses’ as the saying goes – yet for much known and unknown, I never attached to the lack road. Yes, I grew up in alcoholic family, (with many other dysfunctions), had a challenging first marriage and divorce and lost jobs. I always knew I could walk through it all, that there was another way. Yes, I have enjoyed therapy along the way and have immense faith in talking things out, being witnessed and seeking support whenever we feel the desire. And I do believe that mostly; I just let it go and kept moving.

So many of our earthly relationships are conjoined through lack, through what our trauma may be, our addictions are, what brings us pain, through our sufferings; rather than our joys. Many get stuck in a story and have challenges finding their way through.

Perhaps our bubbles our made up of what ‘activates’ us. When I began my ministerial, metaphysical and Universal law studies; all fell into place for me. I could finally see what my ground was made up of, what I stood upon. I see too often that what activates many is what they lack or what angers them or what they feel is wrong or missing; rather than what brings them joy, elevates them, fills them with love.

Yes, I have friends, but no need to be in constant contact. I know they are well. I can love them from afar. When the request arises, we are there for one another.

I have no desire to conversationally and emotionally repeat (and repeat & repeat) old stories, for then I could not be in the present moment. I have no desire to discuss what does not work for that keeps it not working. This definitely limits social interaction. Thank God I am a counselor and healer, or I may never see anyone! (That is an exaggeration; I am married, have a few friends and family.) One of my closest friends has another very close friend she lives near and sees most everyday. They talk several time’s a day. We laugh about it because she realizes I have no concept of that at all; what in the world is there to talk about that much?!

Yesterday morning in my mystic-self time of devotion, the bubble image came to me, this palpable knowing I most certainly live in a bubble, one that I love. I then asked Spirit about it, about the ‘health’ of it. Then I tuned into an Abraham-Hicks video and got my answer! (Love that!) A-H spoke of ‘be in a bubble’.

In my bubble is being present and faithful to the max. In my bubble is what some may call magic, multiple dimensions, simplicity, unconditional love. In my bubble is devotion, God Consciousness, listening, hearing, joy of living, gratitude, thankfulness, security, art, creativity, choice, books, freedom, abundance, eternalness, kindness, beauty, order, knowing, openness, laughter, light, coziness, sharing. Just as important is what is NOT in my bubble; fear, dependency, blame or victimhood. I know that when an ‘off’ day or moment happens, that this too shall pass. I am able to let it be without judgement. I love my bubble. I love being in it, living in it, sharing it, acknowledging it. Definitely a form of monastic living; yet not in a cave, or mountain top or retreat center.

What is in your bubble? Are you happy there? Does it make you feel secure? Are your perceptions you live through from conditioning or choice? Right now, I am going to go make tea, sit by the fire and journal all about my bubble! What is in there? What can I welcome into it? What do I want to let go of, to let in, to seek? You can do the same.

What’s in your bubble?

Thank you for joining me here.

with great love, RevDeb

www.deborahevanshogan.org

Radical UnClinging

As I sit in my daily devotion to Spirit and allow my mystic-self to fully emerge through me, each morning I am gifted words, ideas, writings, directives. Actually quite astounding when I think about it; I count on it. I depend on it. I have come to know, that God never fails. These sacred ramblings are not asked for, nor come from a need or inquiry; they happen. In the early-dark-morning-middle-of-the-night-silence of our home, when I sit with warm tea in what I call, ‘my high vibe room’; my heart rests, and gifts arrive. Yes, much like a child like Christmas morning.

The past two days have been laden with fragmented energies. For me; an open, sensitive, psychic, empathic healer – to say it has been heavy is an understatement. It use to be, when I was simply aware and could ‘observe’, that flower essences could help me, but now, only rest, quiet and self care do. My guess is, it looks like I have been run over by an ethereal truck. I am DEEPLY fortunate that my husband is no longer concerned by these days, knowing I am okay and I always get through. Yesterday included lots of tears, unstoppable for the first few hours. Undirected tears, not about a specific subject, not due to any mind subject; just tears. In my time of devotion yesterday morning I was given what I call a healing mantra; ‘I don’t care.’ Often I am given a phrase to repeat, either aloud or in my head, in order to help me shift. I find them extremely successful. This one, ‘I don’t care.’ When I applied it, the unexpected tears were given a doorway.

Upon first hearing these words, ‘I don’t care”, within the first minute my wheels spun. I thought how awful of me to NOT care! I have been a caretaker my entire life. As a child of parental alcoholism, I was well groomed for the role. In fact, I would say I earned a PhD. Then, I felt a sense of relief. Then, a part of me felt like I was being a terrible person, even ‘bad’. Then, I had the realization; these words, this healing mantra offers; ‘radical un-clinging’. Then, I wrote this – from my journal:

” I don’t care. I don’t care about your opinion or how you feel about anything I present. I only know & care how I feel. Incredible freedom. If I do not care anymore, I am free.”

Whenever we begin a new something in our life, we are all in. It can feel like an all or nothing choice. When one finds their voice, they use it even when inappropriate – until there becomes a smoothing out of energy, and a balance comes into being where discernment is also applied. I knew it was radical, but I also knew this new energy would smooth its way through my mind, body & spirit, touching all the places needed and support me into a new level of existence. In this knowing, I do not run away from these healing mantras, but embrace them. I Trust.

(Some of the places this healing mantra touched were attachments to how I may be seen or judged, or expectations I place on myself, or old, old teeny seeds of people pleasing, or even some silly beliefs I was holding against myself on how I look and dress. Now when I say it in my mind I feel empowered to be me!)

My energy lightened by early evening. I was feeling relief.

This morning when I sat in my time of devotion, this came through on paper:

“Caring – Loving – Love. Different. Caring feels to me like it contains attachment, where loving does not. Now, to ‘love’ another, that CAN hold attachment, if it is enabling, or with conditions or holds expectations.“

YES! Caring is a totally different energy than loving – and we are taught they are the same. REREAD. The energy of the word ‘caring’ holds ‘draining oneself’. The energy of the word ‘loving’ holds an open feeling, an unattached, non conditional, ‘I will be loving’. One can be a loving person, without a person to individually ‘love’.

Such a goal – to be loving AND to not care!!! OMG! Feels so powerful!

I went on to journal of how ‘IT always comes to me’. Meaning God’s voice, Spirit’s directives, an inner solution, Divine findings. God’s wisdom of loving what is always, even if eventually, always comes through. This can happen for you also. Devotion to Spirit. Make the time. Nothing more worth it. I promise.

I am so, so, so, grateful I have learned to listen and be and trust and wait.

Thank you for joining me here.

RevDeb

www.deborahevanshogan.org

Being Happy

A person I care deeply for wrote to me yesterday, ‘I just want to be happy’. I awoke with their words in my head and on my heart. Why has happy been so difficult for them to experience? They chase and chase and chase, this and that. And, when the this or that fails, so do they.

What is it, the elusive IT, that ‘makes’ us feel happiness?

How can this chase for happy be put into as few as words as possible? What it comes down to, is – it is all an inside job. (a tired, old true statement…) In all my plus 60 years on this planet as well as over 30 years of offering spiritual counsel to & with others; no one finds happiness looking outside themselves. Happy is NOT in the relationship that never was. Happy is NOT in the job you lost, or the house someone else bought, or the whatever it is you do not have that makes you angry, sad or feel less than when you think about it. Happy does not depend on another person’s validation of you, or how they receive or do not receive what you offer.

I want to simply say; be grateful. Find anything to be grateful for in your life, and sit with that. Be with it. Talk out loud about it. Write about it. Seek gratitude. Find anything to FEEL gratitude for, and the happy cells get ignited with you. Look at, think about, anything right now in your life you are thankful for; anything.

The happy feeling is all up to ourselves. Are you willing to be happy? Happy is our own responsibility – and as long as we believe it depends on ANYTHING outside of us, we will be sad seeking it. One moment we will feel it when others do as we want, and the next moment we will not because they failed our expectations of them.

The human mind/ego gets stuck on buying things, seeking something, gaining ownership of things, looking for this happy button in a relationship, new job, better shiny things; all outside of oneself and fleeting. Gratitude fills the heart, is a FEELING with ourselves. It is NOT a thing.

Gratitude changes everything in our lives. Gratitude for the tiniest item, for the most mundane thing, or even for the most massive thing !! – BUT the KEY is feeling GRATITUDE, being thankful. AND TO FOCUS ON THAT. People are unhappy when they are focusing on what they do not have, what is gone, what was, what left them, what went wrong, what another person said, did or thinks.

As we find anything at all to feel gratitude for, we feel better and universal law will bring more of that good feeling to us.

What can you feel gratitude for right now? What can you be grateful for?

The human ego/mind plays the woe is me tape, like a broken record vinyl record that goes around and around. Only you can stop that. It takes practice. AND it is possible. AND this DOES work. It does not matter what it is; a pair of shoes, a clean room, a piece of art, a song, ones faith, the laughter you had with a friend, your pet, the gratitude you feel for your new job (but not the job itself, the gratitude you FEEL)……… just find anything at all in your life to feel grateful for and focus on that.

STOP: Complaining, whining, wanting, needing.

Focus. What are you focusing on? What you focus on is how you feel. Are you focusing on gratitude about anything at all? If not, you may want to try it.

Gratitude is a miracle drug.

with great love & apprection for meeting me here,

Deborah

www.deborahevanshogan.org

Do You Like Yourself?

If you have read any self help, New Age or Spiritually focused book you know that since the path is inward, it is all about knowing oneself, then acceptance of ourselves certainly becomes the daily quest. As we begin to listen to our thoughts, discover what we truly are thinking about this or that, sit with how we are personally re-acting to life – we see ourselves in close up shots! Not always pretty – and then we dive deeper to know how we did such a thing, why we did that, what motivated us to go there.

I have been on a conscious ‘spiritual’/waking up path since my early 20’s. That is over 40 years. I know now, it has always been about me accepting me. Me wanting to like myself, to feel good about how I was showing up in any experience. It is quite amazing how that can become the focus. We may enter this path to find peace in life, to quell other voices, to ‘help others’, but it all comes down to self acceptance. We may enter it to find God, to manifest, to seek abundance, to even simply learn to meditate….but, it all turns out to be about how we can let go of what anybody else is doing, saying or showing up – and learn to be someone we can truly ‘like’. We stop blaming anyone anything. Astounding! One stops criticizing, stops seeking, stops attaching at all. Being with ones-self, truly being present to our own hidden motivations, hearing our words, tones, thoughts…being able to actually feel good about who and how we are in this world, in our daily life – yes, this is inward.

An emptiness is revealed. There is only peace. I have a theory that we avoid this place – we know the ego does – this space can feel lonely in this world that runs on validation. Who are we when we fall away from the world? How do we define ourselves when we stop comparing ourselves?

I think there are few who would not agree that the United States, where I live, is a bit much these days. Politics, social media, all it feeling like an ego focused illness. Now, the pandemic has made our worlds very small. We no longer gather. We no longer can see ourselves interacting. We no longer can be distracted. My world has been made extremely small. It has been an adjustment, I admit. Yet, in all of this, when all else falls away, what is left? Me. Just me.

When all the labels are gone, all the judgements, all comparisons who are we? When we untangle from ourselves, what is left?

The journey is known as an inner journey, an inner awakening to know God. Okay, I am awake, now what? Like myself. Perhaps this IS what is on the other side, the way through we talk about, to the end goal – to like who we are be-ing. Can we possibly really like how we be, how we treat ourselves when no one else is around? And once we do, then what?

Okay, enough ramblings. Should be enough to get some inner revelations flowing. Thank you for joining me here.

seek love, Deborah

www.deborahevanshogan.org

surprise help.

https://deborahevanshogan.blogspot.com/2014/

So, this morning I googled myself. Not a usual thing for me. Not sure if I ever have before. But, what I found was fun – the above link to my former blog. Surpise! (Lots more reading opportunities.)

Here is an excerpt from one of the posts. These words were given me from Spirit after I asked for help with an issue in 2014. It is the same help I was wanting this week. When I offer all I have and a client consistently continues to rally verbally for their lack awareness and insists on seeing things only their way, I have pangs that I have not done enough. I feel I have failed God. It is a miserable feeling. Yet, I am asking them to own their own feelings & emotions and not blame others for them, as God directs me to own my own too. Mirror, mirror.

from Spirit:

“”1. Do not feel guilt, shame or judgement about your feelings. They are just your feelings. Its okay, they are just what you feel. That’s it, they are for you, not for them. And their feelings are for them, not for you. You don’t have to do anything with their feelings and they are not responsible for doing anything with or for yours.

2. Do not blame anyone else for your feelings. No other person, nor their actions or responses, or non responses are responsible for your feelings.

3. Own your feelings. Stand with them. No shame, no judgement. They are simply what you feel. Its okay. There is no right or wrong, remember?  Share if the relationship requires it, or if you so want to; but share in standing with them as your own, without expectations the other person will change to make you feel better.””

Still wise words. Always wise words.

Shared with love,

Deborah

www.deborahevanshogan.org

Behaving vs. Believing

I wonder, is the path of spirituality less about what one believes, and more about how one behaves?

Dogma based religion is about what one believes, who one believes in, how to believe, worship, and often, many rules. Too often religious based options make/teach the human to be a victim in life without choice… as in; unless you do this or that. In this I ponder; where is personal integrity as simply a kind human being which affects how one choose to act? How we choose to be? How we choose to show up in our lives?

Caring about our own behavior – is this not the key to peace? To joy? To commitment? To tolerance? To communication? To relationships? To all the good that is here for us to responsibly & consciously CHOOSE?

The options that spirituality offer us are inward, not external. The paths are for us to KNOW ourselves better, to take responsibility for how we show up in the world, in this day, in this experience. The path is one that builds us up as child of God, the Universe, or even starlight – the what, or the label we prefer is not as important as how we apply the teachings and insight we gain in order to help create more good, more love, more peace in our world. In other words, how we behave.

If you know me, you know I am a woman of tremendous faith in God. I am an ordained interfaith minister, brought up in a conservative protestant household. In my heart & mind, I know Jesus. My faith lights my path – no doubts at all in a Higher Power of Creation. AND, I take full responsibility how I apply this in my everyday life through my behavior.

As I consider my belief in Karma, my knowing of Universal Law, my deep intuitive knowing & realizations of my own expression, which I would never have spent time with had it not been my calling to what is labeled spirituality – I easily see the strength, courage and resilience that taking responsibility for my words, tones, actions, thinking & beliefs make up each moment of my BEHAVIOR – and for this, I remain, eternally grateful.

Thank you for joining me here.

with great love, Deborah

www.deborahevanshogan.org

let’s bring KINDNESS back………..

Kindness is my theme today. Should be my theme every single day, yet too often, like the rest of us, I let others’ experiences wrap fear around my heart and compassion cannot finds it way through.

Whenever I am in the midst of an unkindness, I feel sick. I am an empath, I do not feel anger, but my cells respond with being sick, as if they were fed something absolute distasteful. I toss and turn and am sleepless no matter my level of exhaustion. I wrestle with a lack of kindness one can show another being. Especially when it is through one who (supposedly) loves me. It is too often that kindness can be shown to a stranger easier than a relative. After I sit with it all, I realize their own wounds are blocking them, and I get it intellectually – but I still hurt, still feel sick, still ache. Somehow it all has to process through my cells, through all my layers, till I reach myself again and can detach from their lashing.

These days in my life, due to years and years of spiritual awakening, personal work, deep diving – experiences like this are rare, and therefore totally unexpected. Yesterday I experienced two of them. Double header! Oh goodie.

I laid awake asking myself, how did I bring these to me? What beliefs are behind them, promoting these actions? I know we can only bring to us what we believe – how did I manage to bring these experiences to me? Everything is a mirror. Two separate people. Two totally separate experiences. Two lashing outs. Both felt extreme. What is my role? How can I shift my perception in order to change this? Or can I?

Detachment. It is not that easy. Detachment means no blame. Where does the fine line of responsibility lay? Can we see responsibility without the bitterness of blame? One episode was on Facebook. In truth I clearly expected it. It was repeat of years gone by and I made a choice to post something anyway, something that I knew (and so it was) was going to be controversial. I take responsibility for this. And I chose to delete the person’s harsh & unkind comment. Done. My page, my choices. Still, harshness goes deep. I will get over it.

I think about how the other day I too had reached my point of impasse with a person due to their actions. I too lashed out. So, so, so rare for me, but I blew up like a hot air balloon. This weeks energies have been palpably pushing us indeed! I don’t blame them. I am solely responsible for my actions, for my words. I hold myself fully accountable for these – and therefore I also hold others. I am not one to glaze over anything. So, the fine line here is; being okay with not being okay with another person words or actions. We do not have to be okay with theirs, but we must be okay with our own.

Can we practice extending kindness to ourselves as well others? Perhaps this is a key. I will be kind to myself and step aside. I will be kind to myself and give myself time to process. I will be kind to myself and detach from the harshness, yet, when an opportunity arises, can still share my thoughts.

Kindness really is a balm for the soul. Just saying the word brings a healing light to our cells. Kindness is generous. Kindness.

Thank you for meeting me here.

with great love,

Deborah

www.deborahevanshogan.org

www.amethystlight.org